Now y’all listen up.

Barbecue is a religious issue. Barbecue is properly made from the ass of a pig. When someone says barbecue, it properly refers to shredded pork. ‘Pulled Pork’ is some new-agey nonsense they made up to appeal to the kids.

Those heathen Texans keep hollerin about brisket like it’s as good as real barbecue. You can barbecue a cow, that’s beef barbecue. You can barbecue a chicken. That’s barbecued chicken. You can barbecue an old boot. That would be a barbecued boot. But if you say just, “barbecue:” that refers to the ass of a pig. Saying pork barbecue is superfluous. It’s like saying PIN number.

Let’s not get deep into the sauce schism. I’m personally of the thin vinegar base denomination but will accept thin sweet red devotees as brothers and sisters in smoke. I’m also partial to the newfangled hot sauce that is made from the fat that has caught the spices. It should be used as an adjunct to one of the two righteous sauces.

We’ll not speak of those reprobates and their mustard sauces. Smells like heresy.