I live with pain and agonizing sensations all day. As if my pain is not enough because “I got used to it”, I get new kinds of pain every once in a while. I don’t have health insurance, am unemployed (I’m trying the best I can, 2 days ago I went to job interview in agonizing pain), free healthcare doesn’t care about me and were unethical towards me multiple times, family members are angry about me and one of my parents did beat me because I was correcting them that my pain is actually physical and not psychological and that I’m trying to get a job even is so much pain. Everyone hates me and I hate everything.

I’ve tried everything that’s in my reach. I don’t get the support that I need. So I don’t see other options… I really didn’t want to die. But at this point… it’s so much chaos. I carry it in my body.

Because I get all kinds of crazy symptoms in my body, the thought of death is all time in my head. I don’t have the money to do exams, like what even. I got so stressed that I almost collapsed.