I’m definitely a sensitive man. Like most sensitive men, I definitely find it challenging in the “yeah, you gotta eat 50 lb of bacon, pump iron 7x a day, never smile, and always take on a challenge” world of masculinity. I mean, we’ve definitely come a long way over the last decade making emotions something men can accept, but we got a long way to go.
Most articles I read about sensitive men are mostly about hiding it, how we’re not supposed, to, and then when we do we’ll feel better, blah blah blah. But I’m already expressive. I find it challenging, from both men and women.
From men, I don’t feel like a man (I don’t mean in the sexual sense…just from a psychological sense). In men’s groups I get so tired of talking about work and (maybe) hobbies I just wanna run out of the room screaming. It’s hard to find any other men who are okay talking about their feelings. When I do (I’m not afraid to), I find no one is able to relate.
From women, I think they often want to see me as a stereotypical stoic man. So when I do express myself, I’m seen as “not manly,” which can be a turnoff, whether for romance or friendship.
So how do other sensitive men cope with expressing their feelings?
Cool idea but human beings crave identity. And gender is an important way to express identity. I think that might be one of the reasons why some people feel so threatened by the existence of non-cis gendered people. Refusing to conform to preconceived notions of identity-by-gender challenges their sense-making processes, inducing anxiety.
Plus, our entire human race is reliant on the attraction between the sexes. Gender isn’t easily extricable from that. A manly man will always have an easier time finding a woman.
I like the spirit of human first but I fear it might not be as simple as that.