This might sound pretentious or trippy. But it’s just a thing I haven’t found a proper answer for.

My paternal parts of the family are all dead, no aunts, uncles or cousins alive any longer. My maternal parts of the family suck, they seriously suck, no joke. I decided not to procreate (and had a “few discretions” regarding this) because I didn’t want to pass the shitty genes, behaviour or guilt onto another generation.

I have an ex, some relations ago. And I really loved his mother, as a mother. I was a train wreck at one time, and she saved me and took care of me. I don’t care that she isn’t my real mother. But this was several years ago.

What really hurts is that my siblings and cousins tell me that what I felt for her was fake, as she is not a blood relative. As I have helped her more than I would ever have helped anyone else. I love her, but is it true love to love someone as a mother if they aren’t your biological mother?

  • LakesEnglish
    5•1 year ago

    I’m adopted and know both my mothers. Birth mom didn’t want me at put me up for adoption and my mother adopted me. Birth mother came around when I was 25 wanting me back even though I’d never met her, I knew she wasn’t MY mom. I want nothing to do with my birthmother because she was just a vessel for me to end up with my real mom.

    If you feel that pull from your heart that this person is your mother, then she is ( as long as everyone’s cool).

    • BrennenOPEnglish
      1•1 year ago

      I am both happy and sad for you, as your birth mom was/is someone coming back to claim you. And your adopted mom loves you, absolutely, from your comments I am sure of that.

      I love this woman I referred to, as a mom.

      My birth/bio mom now is in a severe state of dementia, and my “bio” family refused to accept that until I had managed to pull her through a thorough investigation by several doctors and clinics. Apparently, according to her, I am the one child who loved her the most. And I don’t love her. She has been an abuser all of my life, up until now that she can’t even remember doing it. This prompted me to write my post previously. Because I still feel conflicted. I love someone else as a mom. All I feel for my birth mom is utter pity.

      You are a lovely soul. Do not ever forget it.