• @SpaceNoodle
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    988 months ago

    “Become a dragon” covers most, if not all, of the rest.

    • @[email protected]
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      618 months ago

      Really dependent on which mythology’s dragon you become. That aside, being a dragon in modern day would probably be very hazardous. Better hope you’re a small enough dragon to not cause much property damage while figuring out your new body, and to stay mostly undetected, because otherwise you’re likely to end up dead, or in captivity somewhere in fairly short order.

      • ℛ𝒶𝓋ℯ𝓃
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        418 months ago

        Assuming D&D lore, polymorph fixes that problem pretty easily. A polymorphed dragon could blend into society pretty well, and if you want, you could still get a ride into international waters (to avoid setting off national airspace warnings), fly down to some random jungle tribe, and be worshipped as a god. Plus nigh immortality (assuming aging only affects your polymorphed form and you continue to age at the rate of your dragon-self).

      • @Wodge
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        108 months ago

        I’m Welsh, we already like Dragons, I’d be the second coming of Y Ddraig Goch. It’ll be fabulous.

    • @Nikki
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      188 months ago

      yeah but i dont wanba be a dragon

    • @Aaroncvx
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      118 months ago

      Always Relax is the true Instant Death potion. Why stop at the sphincter when every muscle and blood vessel in your body suddenly stops contracting.

      • @dejected_warp_core
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        28 months ago

        Master alchemist: You idiot! You can’t make a “potion of relaxation” by watering down a paralysis potion! It just takes longer to work.

  • SuperDuper
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    588 months ago

    Takes “always relax” potion

      • DrDominate
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        98 months ago

        Tsk. Oooo, no can do. We’re gonna need you to come in on Saturday and fill out those TPS reports. Also Sunday, too.

        • @damienallbran
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          108 months ago

          Office Space, created and directed by Mike Judge who created King of the Hill and Bevis and Butthead

      • @Juvyn00b
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        48 months ago

        Ah, the million dollar potion…

    • @dejected_warp_core
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      8 months ago

      I adore this movie. But not enough has changed to completely date this masterpiece, and I have very conflicted feelings about that.

      Edit: for anyone in food-service or retail instead of IT, watch “Waiting” instead.

  • @AeonFelis
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    518 months ago
    • Drink the purple one
    • Jump off a cliff
    • Realize I took the wrong purple one
    • Still relaxed though
    • @L3mmyW1nks
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      58 months ago
      • survive an crawl up again, relaxed
      • drink the right purple one
      • jump off the cliff again
      • realize what flight actually stands for
      • still relaxed though
  • @Wilzax
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    478 months ago

    “Huh? Oh… OH!!” Dies instantly

    • @shneancy
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      78 months ago

      just eat some of their cousins (i know nothing about biology) then look at them for long enough and I’m sure you’ll hear something

    • @jettrscga
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      38 months ago

      And you don’t want “plants talk to you” either.

      Then they never shut up.

      • @[email protected]
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        118 months ago

        Yeah, it’s strength, flight, maybe poison breath all in one and you can go back to human anytime. Dragon has literally no downsides!

          • @[email protected]
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            78 months ago

            My family watching me eat 2 whole roasted chickens, 5kg of potatoes, and drink a whole pot of soup, all in 10 seconds: 1000029906

        • @[email protected]
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          48 months ago

          Well it doesn’t specify dragon type/color. Not every dragon has an innate alternate form ability, so hopefully you get one of those.

          Age is also an issue. Depending on how old you are, you’ll probably be somewhere between young to young adult. If you’re at least 50 you can hit young adult. This means you’re pretty limited in a lot of things, and if you have your innate spellcasting at all, it’s gonna be pretty limited.

          If you’re one of the dragon colors that doesn’t get innate alternate form, you’re probably gonna have to hide for the better part of a century just to get old enough to have some decent spells.

          So there are downsides, if temporary ones, to the dragon option. Still, it’s probably the best choice, yes.

    • @Inucune
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      58 months ago

      Hoard then eat enough gold and other valuable materials and you become a god.

    • @Noodle07
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      58 months ago

      There’s wonderful cliffs around my city, l dream of being a dragon and sleeping on the cliff basking in the sun all day

  • @[email protected]
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    258 months ago

    These kind of posts always have weird ones like Poison Breath.

    Why would I want that? To kill people? Mustard gas is easy to make and I’d just get arrested anyways.

    The only reasonable use I can think of is if you wanted to start a pest control company… woo?

    Instant death may be useful if it’s like the Death Note, or else you’d also just get arrested.

    • @dejected_warp_core
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      68 months ago

      Instant death may be useful if it’s like the Death Note, or else you’d also just get arrested.

      At some point an investigator figures out that you’re the only person that’s connected to all the deaths, however remotely. As the years go by, you’ve done lunch together a few times and are on a first name basis. Their efforts are fruitless, and they can’t prove anything. But now you have an FBI surveillance van permanently parked outside your home, and that investigator keeps coming around.

  • @x4740N
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    208 months ago

    You can always relax by noticing your body & mind relaxing instead of trying to force them to relax

    • @[email protected]
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      48 months ago

      I like to focus on my shoulders. If I notice they’re scrunched, I lower them, and the rest of my body tends to follow suit.

  • Resol van Lemmy
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    198 months ago

    I’ll take the “talk to plants” potion since it changes LITERALLY NOTHING, and I don’t want any additional powers myself.

    • @hydrospanner
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      208 months ago

      Except now you’re wracked with crippling guilt every time you mow the lawn, chop up veggies for dinner, or walk by some poor little scrawny weed growing out of a crack in the sidewalk.

      • @[email protected]
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        8 months ago

        Ok thats a half empty glass of sunshine if I ever saw one. How you guna spend your time conversing with something that’ll live less than a year, shit out a bunch of seeds, then die? Why not find out what the Oaks, Cypresses’ses’, Hemlocks and Maples have to say about the day America was conceived, birthed, crawled, walked, flew, first fuck last fuck. Shit I’d retire and walk the trails listening to stories from something that has expierienced 3 life spans.

      • @Tattorack
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        28 months ago

        Except plant never developed language or even neurons to process thought. You drink the “Talk to plants” potion and the world is just as silent as it was before.

          • @Tattorack
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            18 months ago

            That is really old news. Whole forests do this. But that’s still not talking.

            • Tlaloc_Temporal
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              38 months ago

              If that’s what a “talk” to plants drink does, I’d love to get a “talk” to humans drink. Imagine the psychology experiments I could set up if I could understand the subconscious pheromone, posture, subvocal, and other various poorly understood methods of communication!

  • @Tattorack
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    168 months ago

    “Become a dragon” is right there, so why would anyone even choose anything else!?

    • @AeonFelis
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      8 months ago

      When my cat yawns I want to stick a finger in his mouth, and dragon talons are far too big for that.

      • @AngryCommieKender
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        38 months ago

        As a dragon you could have a pet Tiger. Your talon will fit in their mouth.

      • @Tattorack
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        58 months ago

        It would also cover strength. And courage, considering you’re a freaking dragon! And depending on the type of dragon, poison breath could be covered too.

    • Keith
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      18 months ago

      Can I in become a dragon and then rebecome as many times as needed?

    • @Misconduct
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      8 months ago

      Yes but if it was clarified that you could in fact communicate with plants in a meaningful way I’d take that one in a heartbeat. You could do so much with that. Imagine being a reporter or a private investigator lol. An archeologist could just ask some trees what was going on under them. Dying of hunger or thirst? Just ask some plant what’s edible or where some water is. Plenty of plants want to be eaten to reproduce anyway. Ask some fungus (if it counted as plants for magic) what the meaning of life is while you’re at it