I save money by not even using lemons. I simply add a minute amount of dehydroxyl-5-ca carbomethyl-tridiamine hexanepolyethylene which tastes vaguely lemony but also causes elbow cancer. Treatment for which is patented by one of my subsidiary companies, so I make a good chunk of income with the cause and cure for that one specific disease.
The best part is that dehydroxyl-5-ca carbomethyl-tridiamine hexanepolyethylene turns bright yellow when it comes in contact with the fecal matter so we get our water from the city that pays us to process their municipal waste water and we save money dyes. Win-win-win win-win.
But knowingly selling elbow-cancer-juice is illegal, that’s why we paid for a study that showed it didn’t. We’ll also fight any claims that it does in court to the death
Or the classic “I’m going to sell my lemonade at a loss until all my competitors go out of business (or are bought by me) and then I’ll massively increase the price”
Fun fact… You ever hear where Pink Lemonade comes from?
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/unusual-origins-pink-lemonade-180960145/
“Pete Conklin came up with pink lemonade in 1857 while selling lemonade at the circus. Conklin ran out of water and thinking on the fly, grabbed a tub of dirty water in which a performer had just finished wringing out her pink-colored tights. In true circus form, Conklin didn’t miss a beat. He marketed the drink as his new ‘strawberry lemonade,’ and a star was born. “From then on sales doubled,” writes Root, “…[and] no first class circus was without pink lemonade.””
no wonder people randomly died all the time back then
Awesome!
Now lets collude to sell it for $12 minimum an ounce, and use our wealth/media bully pulpit/bribed legislators to sue/buy out/threaten/slander any interlopers who attempt to make lemonade honestly at low margins for a reasonable price!
🇺🇸
I broke down and bought a lemonade the last time I was at a ren faire. Even before the ice jam packed in the cup started to melt, it barely tasted of lemon. Or sugar. The ice did last for quite some time though, even though it was a hot day. Slow trickle of cold moisture. Silver linings I guess.
Even more realistic would be both fat cats are the same person and the lable is the only difference. The piss stays of course. :/
And then a suspicious label saying our brand has half as much asbestos as the next leading competitor.
The line always has to go up no matter what. When they can’t make a new, better product that people want to buy, all the time, they have to generate more money another way. So they make the products that people are buying cheaper to make, so that the constant increase in profit is maintained.
At least the piss has flavor.
“It’s sterile, and they like the taste.”
Don’t forget the multi-million-dollar marketing campaign and funded research to convince the public it’s no different to, or even better than, real lemonade.
*Processes to merge*
