I think anybody who says they haven’t questioned their sexuality is likely to be lying. Then again, we’re all biased by our lived experiences and I’ve spent a lot of time questioning things, so I could be projecting.

At the end of the day I want to say to like who you like. What happens between consenting adults is nobody’s business but theirs, and the sun isn’t going to implode because you dig on a girly dude.

Hell, you don’t even need to put a label on your sexuality. Or your gender for that matter, although that’s a whole different can of worms.

Depending on where you are, you might be growing up alongside harmful anti-queer rhetoric. That kind of thing makes it very difficult for a lot of people to admit their sexuality with any degree of nuance. People living in fear will lie to their friends, family, and selves in order to hide their attractions. It’s sad and harmful, and it also makes it difficult for some people to be open about sometimes liking a person that is outside what they believe society expects of them.

You guys should get coffee or something. I wouldn’t pass up on a chance to learn more about myself

Yes, quite a bit. I was struggling to find the right label. But at some point I switched to the mindset, that a label is a description, not a rule, and that i shouldn’t have to worry who I do or don’t like. Right now I’m in the “meh, I’m fine, thanks” camp, but it might change any time.

Not really. Never felt anything else than being straight, as I’ve never felt any inclination towards liking guys, and for as long as I can remember I’ve always liked women, including in that way that gave me that funny feeling in my pants when I was very young.

Sexuality may be a spectrum, but my location on it is a very simple one.

Identify as straight. F1nn5ter could absolutely get it.

Same thing happened to me.

We connected more emotionally than normal friends.

Guy was interested but I let him know that before we did anything physical I might not be ok and it wasn’t anything to do with him. Did not want to hurt his feelings.

We eventually had a rom com ass first date. Ending in kissing. For me it just felt the same as girls. Always been indifferent sexually but like you said feminine men check boxes.

Enjoy! It was a formative time for me as a person that made me realize your life can change when the right circumstances come along. No longer with them but glad for the time period.

Yes. And it sucked. And it still sucks.

Within the last few year, I’ve finally realized I’ve been asexual my whole life. I’ve had sex before, but I struggled to care about it or enjoy it. It was always inconvenient, messy, went on too long, etc. I had enjoyed spending time with my partners, but I hated sex, and that’s been a huge part of all my relationships.

And, yes, I’ve had “good sex” before. Just like someone who hates pie can have the best pie ever, it’s still pie!

I’ve sworn off relationships until I can figure it out, but god knows that every romantic relationship will require sex to let my partner know that I care about them and their needs. I’m sick of compromising. Why the fuck should I need to compromise on something that I don’t want or like? Plus, because I’m not into it, I’m sure my partner would want someone who puts in enthusiastic effort to the endeavor.

Don’t tell me that I’ll find someone. It’s not comforting, and I’m still grappling with the reality of it. I’d like a partner, but it’s just not feasible for someone like me.

I’m still mad that I’m like this.

Yes, I’ve even tried to date someone. Everything started great but moved into ‘what am I doing’ territory fast. Ended on awkward note where you say sorry I’m not actually interested after leading another person on for some time.

Always remember that sexuality is not “I was born this way” sexuality changes throughout everyone’s life. Just like ones gender.

It’s a spectrum of many things and many ways from no sexual feelings to all sexual feelings towards any or no genders.

There is no binary there is no definite answer. It’s whatever you feel. And that’s completely ok.

I’m a 44 year old (mostly) straight guy who’s at a point where I don’t really know why any of that stuff really matters to people.

I was a teenager in Britain in the '90s when it was ridiculously common to refer to something bad as “gay”. So I grew up not homophobic as such, but having definitely equated being gay with negative connotations. But some 15 years ago I started to question my own attitudes, and, helped by a woman I was seeing at the time, I explored the idea of playing gay. I didn’t actually do anything, but she thought the idea was as hot as hell.

Fast forward to now, where I’m married to a different woman who also thinks that guys fucking is hot, and so do I. So it’s something that’s become an occasional part of our sex life, and it’s great.

Now, I’m not necessarily answering your question, because sex ≠ emotions. To me sex and emotions aren’t really linked. One is something to be enjoyed, and the other is something to be shared with an intimate partner. But the point is, if you’re a naturally open-minded person then your baseline for who and what you are will be constantly subject to change.

Are you straight? Are you gay? Are you bi? Are you any of these things? Does it really matter?

As to your point about being attracted to femininity: I definitely get that. Regardless of how someone identifies, if they’re feminine I’ve got a soft spot for them.

No. I have not.

A weird and wonderful part of the human experience is that we don’t really get to choose what we like, we can only try to categorize what we experience.

I think you should follow your heart and to hell with anyone who would judge you for it.

Whenever I question myself, which isn’t often, it’s very easy to check with the Internet, if you catch my drift, but as yet, I very much do not want to see any of that. My preference is clearly the opposite.

But then, for some people, including me, images and real people are very different things. I think I could be somewhere close to demisexual or demiromantic, for example. My instinct is to try to get to know someone really well if I find them even slightly attractive. In older-school phrasing, you might say I’m not the sort of person who is interested in one-night stands.

Your specific situation is one I’ve heard of before and have considered if I could find myself, unexpectedly, with another guy, whatever he might look like. Stranger things have happened, but it’s hard to imagine.

When I was double-checking sexuality definitions just now, I found this page: https://rainbowandco.uk/blogs/what-were-saying/sexuality-definitions which happens to list “finsexual” which fits pretty well with your description. Something to think about, maybe.

But whatever’s going on with your good friend there, I wish you the best, whatever that might mean.

I think gayness is a spectrum. Likewise, I think emotions are not back and white. So you could have some feelings for this guy, you could be confused, and if this was ancient Greece you probably would have slept with him by now, but whether you see him as a partner or a little brother you want to protect is a conscious choice you can make.

I identify as bi but I don’t really find myself attracted to outwardly masculine or ‘normal’-looking guys, often, as you said, femininity is a thing, and consideration. There’s also the pansexual concept which transcends traditional borders. I do find enby peeps attractive too.