Ok maybe they didnt steal my heart but they definitely stole my admiration! So here is my story of what happened and the snowball that came so fucking close to being the coolest thing a person will ever do in their lifetime.
The event was the Buffalo Bills vs San Francisco 49ers NFL game that aired on NBC this past Sunday night. Anyone who saw the game will agree it was one of the best displays of the world’s finest athletes of their sport battling an unforgiving opponent known as Lake Effect Snow.
We are talking about a game between some of the best, if not the greatest, players of their generation and position who could barely keep their feet under them taking off from the snap. The finest route runners, sprint from the snap at a jogging pace, run in one straight direction, stomp their feet on the ground like anticlockwise breaks, and just turn around to try and catch the ball. Lol I digress but you get the point. It was a snowy wintery shitshow for anyone not raised by Bills Mafia.
Which brings us to the snowball. Now I know the snowball throw was undeniably the outcome of drunken luck but I don’t care. The snowball throw was so beautiful that whoever is the thrower was either sent by God or the snowball was thrown by God themself.
Just put yourself in this mystery Tom Brady’s shoes. The known knowns to any Bills game is that the tailgating isnt on a flex schedule. It starts at 9am regardless if kickoff time is 1pm or 8:15pm like it was on this day. At kickoff you are already piss drunk, sitting in the corner end zone seats, waiting for an excuse to throw some snow in the air.
Much to their dismay, the 49ers march down the field looking ready to score. The Bills D puts up a nice 3rd down stop and force the field goal. Reason to cheer. The mad snowballer begins warming his pitching arm.
As the snowman marksman packs his snowy ammunition, the 9ers line up for the kick. The moment escalates, the crowd chants their taunts, the ball is snapped!
Its at that moment the future walk on NFL Super Bowl MVP, cocks his arm, waits… waits… the ball is kicked and the Snowball is released.
Time fucking freezes. Finish this out as if you are the thrower:
You see only your snowball at first. Prolly with one eye closed and your buddy clenching your jacket with thrill as he and the surrounding fans watch as the snowball they watched you throw, CLEARS THE FUCKING BACK NET.
“No fucking way” starts getting murmured as people start to see the snowball’s path to greatness.
You follow the line of the ball, as it approaches the goal posts your line of sight SEES THE FUCKING KICKED FOOTBALL CLOSING IN ON THE GOAL POSTS FROM THE OTHER SIDE!
CLOSER!
CLOSER!
ITS GUNA FUCKING HIT THE BA-awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwe
All kidding aside I want to genuinely meet the person who let it fly. That is not a short throw. That is not a still wind. That snow ball moved too little to be a lucky throw. It was launched as hard as someone could throw it, at the football being kicked from 40ish yards away, AND NARROWLY MISSED! Fuck I’d be telling all my grandkids I could throw a snowball over them mountains if I were the mad snowthrower.
Lol my glass slippers:
