Transcription
A series of Tumblr posts. The first on is by avagarde and it reads “It’s so unfair i don’t get to see where evolution will go in 50 million years.” geekysteven responds with “crab.” The last post is by Existentialmemes and it reads Crustaceans: Crab, Mammals: Weasel, Plants: Tree, Amphibians & Reptiles: Unchanged because they are perfect, Birds: 360° around back to dinosaurs, Fungi: I shan’t speculate on the affairs of gods.”
Anteaters also seem pretty popular with mammalian evolution.
Echo location ant eaters
Until the ants evolve into anteatereaters it’s the smart play, free protein all day
Can’t blame 'em tbh
Ungulates - Even MORE stomachs.
Cetaceans - why not even bigger?
Cephalopods - Starships and philosophy and tragic poems about how short life is.
Bivalves - even less brain, brain make feel bad, brain bad
Felines - Find and domesticate the nearest dominant life form
Murmurations of birds and schooling fish - Horrifyingly surreal swarm intelligences that can take the shape of things like pointing fingers and signs to communicate or a big pair of cartoon scissors that chase you.
Please go on
Platypuses - Now have added echolocation, flight, extra limbs, and bioluminescence. Too many skill points to spend, no build guide.
Kiwi birds - Will have finally switched places, now they are large eggs that give birth to a smaller bird.
Armadillos - Form a union with pillbugs and turtles, finally get better pay and benefits.
Golden Retrievers - No change to perfection, now the dominant life form.
Giraffes - Short necks and really long legs.
Daddy Longlegs - Surprisingly, develop more balanced proportions and are called “Paternal Medium Legs” but are still quite horrifying and love to hide under your bed.
Zebra - More tasteful patterns, like a nice vellum eggshell with fine, elegant pinstripes and a watermark with floral trim.
180° for birds, I guess.
It’s part of the joke because birds are already dinosaurs
I took it as meaning birds are currently at 180 from dinosaurs and a further 180 will return them to dinosaur status, completing the full 360.
But will sharks be large fish exactly like the ones now, or smaller fish exactly like the ones now?
Yep
Only unfair if your not gonna be 70 billion years old, boom gottem.
I’m upvoting, but in the end, it’s cocroach.
Tardigrade would laugh derisively but it’s having a little 1,000 year snooze. In space.
Humans would have an 180ª evolution back to lemures, you can notice the beginnings even today.
Somehow crocodiles will make little to no changes.
Octopuses will probably be flying at some point fyi. If they choose to.
I fear the millennium where octopuses figure out how to not die during child rearing.
If those smart motherfuckers ever figure out how to pass on knowledge, humans might get a run for their money.
Thar would be a Children of time knockoff.
I’ve also heard kangaroo
“Evolution keeps making crabs. We asked a scientist why”
https://www.npr.org/2024/09/18/1200121022/crab-evolution-science-history
Can’t believe the mistake in this one - Fungi are the gods.
