• SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca
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      15 days ago

      FDA approves RaccoonPeen™ for every disease.

      Ask your doctor if RaccoonPeen™ is right for you.

      • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        15 days ago

        Having known a number of ignorant racist smokers, I think the name would end up being:

        Arguably racist enough to be NSFW

        CoonPeckers

        Genuine apologies if that term is racist enough to be censorable, lol, though theoretically it both means the same thing as ‘Raccoon Penis’ and also is racist against both black and white people at the same time.

  • BigBrownDogdeleted by creator
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    15 days ago

    I give my kids a spoonful of Vaseline everyday to keep them greased up.

    • Tess@piefed.blahaj.zone
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      15 days ago

      My old cat was crazy about Vaseline, I had to fight him off whenever I opened the jar.
      I’ve never seen him that enthusiastic about anything else. He was like some kind of Vaseline junky.

        • Tess@piefed.blahaj.zone
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          14 days ago

          The regular kind, he just ate it, as much as he could before I managed to drag him away from it.
          It was kind of worrying to be honest.

          • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            14 days ago

            I mean yeah that is worrying… you as either a person or cat should probably not eat jellified petroleum, yeah.

            But… wtf?

            Maybe he’s just… hungry?

            A very odd cat?

            Like I’m trying to look this up, and I’m basicslly seeing this fall into the category of pica, which is essentially a mental disorder that can be triggered by a number of things…

            https://www.webmd.com/pets/cats/features/unusual-cat-cravings

            Maybe take kitty to the vet for a checkup?

            • Tess@piefed.blahaj.zone
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              14 days ago

              He had a thyroid problem and never managed to gain a lot of weight. Still, he grew to be quite old.
              He’s been gone for over ten years now, but I still miss him.

              • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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                14 days ago

                Ah.

                I’m sorry.

                I’ve loved and lost a cat as well.

                … yeah I’m basically crying right now, don’t know what to say.

            • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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              14 days ago

              Cats don’t have opposable digits. Saving that jelly for later when ya aren’t looking. Or maybe when you are.

      • BigBrownDogdeleted by creator
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        15 days ago

        Only after they’ve had their baby powder for breakfast.

    • SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca
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      15 days ago

      they swallow it, or the hard way?

      Robert Chesebrough, the inventor of Vaseline, famously claimed to eat a spoonful every day and lived to be 96.

      • BigBrownDogdeleted by creator
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        15 days ago

        Exactly. It’s called the Cheesebro method.

      • Čauky Mňauky@lemmy.zip
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        14 days ago

        Corollary: Wild lies claims to hype your product contribute to securing a steady source of income, making actually working health care more affordable to you, leading to a longer life. For you.

  • notwhoyouthink@lemmy.zip
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    15 days ago

    Wait is that why he talks like that tho?!

    He was born during the time when conventional wisdom for expectant mothers’ concerns about weight was a simple recommendation for increased cigarette consumption.

    • chaogomu
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      15 days ago

      He fried his brain on drugs. Also eating roadkill and bush meat.

      When he was a teenager/young adult he was the drug dealer to his family and caused one cousin to lethally OD.

      The guy has been a shitbag all his life.

    • The Picard ManeuverOPM
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      15 days ago

      If I’d lived through that time, maybe I’d have a later-in-life obsession about fixing my health too. Hopefully I wouldn’t swear off vaccines and chug methylene blue though.

      • notwhoyouthink@lemmy.zip
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        15 days ago

        I mean, you’re not wrong. And I don’t blame people looking for affordable answers in a system that bankrupts the sick…

        However I do blame clown leadership and those that profit and gain power from said people, and this cow pie looking mfer is climbing to the top of that list.

      • BeMoreCareful
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        14 days ago

        Wildly common for sober people to get real enthusiastic about health. I mean real enthusiastic about anything really. Like wildly devoted and cannot be dissuaded

        The Kennedy’s were also chased by paparazzi since they were small children because they were: “Kennedys.” I doubt that helped.

  • tooks
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    14 days ago

    My parents smoked Reds indoors their entire life. I essentially smelled like an ashtray throughout childhood until I moved out for college. Even experienced respiratory issues throughout high school sports. Used to have to borrow my grandma’s portable O2 tank to use for practice breaks. I feel this, and I hate it.

    • Tiger666@lemmy.ca
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      14 days ago

      I remember going on a trip with my grandparents and suffocating from the smoke in the car. That was only a few hours, I cant imagine living in a house with them.

  • beejboytyson
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    14 days ago

    Man, he’s a crackhead idk why people listen to him. No different then the ramblings heard from the homeless man taking a shit front of the 711.

  • DonutsRMeh
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    14 days ago

    Man, I shouldn’t be laughing this much at this. Wtf

  • flop_leash_973
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    14 days ago

    Please, the male kids crave Lucky Strikes. Filtered cigarettes are for girls. /s