I’d be Cables Don’t Tangle Man.

  • @Delphia
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    1141 year ago

    Being able to fall asleep and wake up exactly when I want to without an alarm man.

  • pseudorandom
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    721 year ago

    I actually seem to have this one: Appropriately sized container man. I can find the best sized container when we have leftovers from cooking. Extra pasta sauce? This container fits it all in perfectly.

    • IDK man, that’s toeing the line of an A-tier power.

      My wife has a version of this; it’s perfect liquid measurement estimation woman. She never has to use measuring cups for liquids. I’ve actually bothered to test this power, and it’s uncanny.

      All I got was hysterical kitchen blindness man. I can’t see things I’m looking for in the fridge or pantry, even when they’re right in front of me.

      • GiantFloppyCock
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        111 year ago

        Sorry man, yours isn’t even a power. It comes default with the Y chromosome. I can be staring directly at something I’m looking for and not register that it’s right there.

      • @haulyard
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        41 year ago

        I kinda have something like this. I’m pretty good at estimating distances. From inches to feet and miles (don’t metric me it will get all fucked up.)

      • @quaddo
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        31 year ago

        A residence floormate I knew back in university also worked as a bartender at a hotel.

        His one story relevant to this thread is he once poured a drink for a customer over ice without measuring it. Think scotch or whiskey. Customer said there’s no way that’s an ounce. They argued for a bit; my friend poured everything from the glass into a shot glass minus the ice, and it was exactly on the line. End of argument.

        He admitted to me that some of that may have been water from the melted ice.

    • JWBananas
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      61 year ago

      Me: Owns a variety of sizes of containers

      Also me: Only uses 2 of the sizes, and never has a clean one when I need it

  • @[email protected]
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    601 year ago

    I don’t know if this qualifies as “b-tier”, but I’d really would like a superpower where when hearing a sound I knew exactly what made it.

    I live in an old house, in the middle of a forest. Lots of weird noises both inside and outside. Being able to know if a sound I just heard requires my attention (i.e. “is that some animal messing around in my walls, or just the old wood squeaking”) would be gold. The amount of times I’ve gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to investigate something is too damn high. After countless mice, vasps nests, birds, and various mammals deciding to move in with us, my paranoia levels have skyrocketed.

    Would also sort out the “is that my kid crying, or just the draft through the vents”-question, as well as “is that normal wood settling noises, or is there more rot I’ve yet to find and the whole house is collapsing”.

    • edric
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      121 year ago

      This sounds like a good premise for a horror story. You get your hearing superpower and everything is finally great, no need to get up and investigate benign noises. And then one day, you hear a sound that no matter what you do, you can’t tell what and where it’s coming from.

    • @zigmus64
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      71 year ago

      Your house sounds awesome to look at, but my ADHD wouldn’t allow me to live there. Nothing would get done, and my family would die when the house collapsed.

  • @Sterile_Technique
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    531 year ago

    To actually fall asleep when my head hits the pillow, and then stay asleep until the alarm goes off.

    • @Sitkemkev
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      381 year ago

      Unless there’s no alarm set, otherwise an untimely demise.

      • Altima NEO
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        41 year ago

        Or if his head never leaves the pillow, or comes into contact with a second pillow…

      • MedicsOfAnarchy
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        41 year ago

        OR one simply has to wait for a prince. But you never know when the next one’s coming around.

    • @CarbonatedPastaSauce
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      91 year ago

      He said B Tier! As a lifelong chronic insomniac I’d give almost anything for that ability.

      • @Sterile_Technique
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        71 year ago

        I feel like we’re pushing the limits of B-tier, but then I don’t actually know what B-tier even means, so let’s keep the ball rolling:

        The ability to completely freeze time except for yourself (and magicking away the fine print like suffocating if you froze the the oxygen around your nose/mouth) but ONLY when you’re asleep.

        5 minute break at work? Lemme just find a comfy chair and BAM 8 hours down the hatch!

        Up all night studying and now your final is in two hours? BAM completely rested.

         

        …I guess the catch being that if you overused it (and I totally would) you’d be aging while everything else was on pause, so you’d be like 90 years old physiologically, but only like 60 going by the date.

        …which also means you could live your whole life and peace out before the clime wars start!! WOO!

        • @[email protected]
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          11 year ago

          Damn that’s a nice one.
          And it would actually be very useful.
          Taking away tge age thing would really push it to A-tier for commoners as a power.

    • @jpeps
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      11 year ago

      I have this power, and one little caveat of it is how much I crave dozing, ie being awake, sleepy, and cozy but not needing to get up. I guess could just set my alarm earlier but I need the sleep more

  • @[email protected]
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    401 year ago

    I’d be perfect departure time man. Able to determine exactly when to leave in order to arrive at your destination on time, regardless of traffic, weather, or other conditions encountered along the way.

    • @OneOrTheOtherDontAskMe
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      271 year ago

      Not a B tier power, my God you just invented the governments secret delivery method. You’re planning perfect extraction and invasion strategies, nuclear fall back evacuation routes. You just became a national secret, son.

      • @Algaroth
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        7 months ago

        deleted by creator

      • @[email protected]
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        61 year ago

        You’re not from Germany are you? Our train system is horribly bad after it was left to rot for decades (no bigger investment into renewing or expanding stuff)

        • @[email protected]
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          41 year ago

          To be fair, I should probably have said Swedish as we are right on time and all German people I gave worked with were always unnecessarily 10-15 minutes early…

    • @Siegfried
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      51 year ago

      I have that power and i can tell you that the answer is always 10 min before the time in which im planning to leave.

    • @[email protected]
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      361 year ago

      Sounds more like “solves water crisis man” to me. Point your finger at the colorado river and we are all set.

      Your nemesis is Nestle. They want to put you in a locked room in the desert and pump sports drink out of you.

      • @[email protected]
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        201 year ago

        I’d like to think that they could break out of Nestle jail by pointing at all the guards stomachs and giving them otherworldly acid reflux.

        • JokeDeity
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          71 year ago

          They all just start projectile vomiting an endless stream. Brutal.

      • @[email protected]
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        71 year ago

        Ah, see I assume some sort of anime rules apply to the power and the larger the vessel the more it would sap my energy.

        I guess I would still need to worry about being kidnapped by nestle and being hooked up to a feeding tube and gives to use my powers anyway…

    • @[email protected]
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      21 year ago

      Yeah I know this one, complete with the classic “if someone is annoying and won’t leave you alone just refill their bladder”.

  • @SickPanda
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    311 year ago

    the B-Tier power I’d choose is to control bees

    yes the pun is intended

    • Heratiki
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      161 year ago

      Wow now this is the superpower I want. I’d walk through my house in the dark with WILD ABANDON!

    • @SickPanda
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      71 year ago

      Be careful what you wish for, your superpower could just remove your toes.

    • @quaddo
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      61 year ago

      The trade-off is you now have a 1d4 chance of stepping on LEGO bricks in the dark. Even if you don’t own any LEGO.

  • @[email protected]
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    1 year ago

    I take perfect shits no matter what. Never constipated or have diahrea. Wipes are always perfectly clean.

  • Thelsim
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    291 year ago

    What’s the opposite of procrastination?
    Eagerness girl? That… sounds wrong somehow.

    • @Girru00
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      261 year ago

      That is god teir!

      • Lost gold
      • A kidnap victim
      • Your target as a prof. hitman
      • Inspiration for your novel
      • A cure for cancer
      • A path to immortality
      • Your lost car keys

      This could probably uplift any path you choose to take in life.

      • @[email protected]
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        61 year ago

        It is like infinite luck as long as you can structure it into a need to find something then you will succeed.

    • Deez
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      21 year ago

      Mosquitos used to find me attractive, but as I aged they didn’t come by no more.

    • @Potatisen
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      21 year ago

      Ouufff, that’s a great one!

    • @ChillPenguin
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      11 year ago

      Well… ok, but it doesn’t work for horse flies or black flies.

  • @[email protected]
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    231 year ago

    I already have mine, and it frustrates my wife no end. I’m Always Finds a Parking Spot Right Near Where We’re Going Man, but only if I’m the one driving. When she’s driving we end up on the wrong side of the parking lot.

    • @[email protected]
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      101 year ago

      Haha I used to know a guy with a similar ability.

      Then my family started praying to this person in the car whenever we were struggling to find a parking spot haha

      • @sigh
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        1 year ago

        Then my family started praying to this person in the car

        Jesus, take the wheel

    • @Cryophilia
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      31 year ago

      I’ve got a friend like that, we like to joke that she sold her soul to the devil for perfect parking in San Francisco.