I’m a man who had to do this. My partner was going through some pretty rough times in grad school, then left school, and had a lot of mental health work to go through. I was trying to be supportive, but we had to have a few conversations where I said that I didn’t find her exactly attractive in the moment because it felt like I was more of a guardian than a partner. It’s gotten a lot better since then, but it can be hard when your partner is going through hard times (or is just lazy, in some cases) and doesn’t see things as you do.

Everyone needs to put in effort. It doesn’t need to be symmetrical (meaning you don’t have to do all the same things), but it should be approximately equal in terms of effort in both the relationship and your living situation