Wazzup biiiaches! I’m an American rich girl, KMA everyone! Hahahaha I’m just kidding.

I was born in Seattle and raised by a whore-loving billionaire who used to hang out with Epstein before the royal family smoked that motherfucka LMAO! I’m not gonna say his name, but he did create Windows.

Anyway, I drive a Tesla made by underage slaves and my favorite movie right now is Barbie for its deep and layered critique of patriarchy and consumerism. My favorite outfit is a dress made from a skin of a rare animal. I’m not gonna say which one because the government is keeping it secret.

My husband is a dude from one of those shithole sand countries where all the bad people come from, so you know he’s BAD (am I right, girls? LOL). He used to ride horses for a living, can you imagine that? LMAO now the only thing he’ll be riding is me, you know what I’m sayin?

Anyway, I’m mid-sized, fair-skinned, and fit well in any living room. I keep 30 dogs, 50 cats, and one horse (for my dumbass husband), who I hope we can make a dinner of one day or maybe play a prank on my husband and put the horse’s head in his bed like in that movie about Mexicans, forget what it’s called. Of course I couldn’t take care of all this without a staff of 59 maids, all of whom are Indonesian. If you’re wondering why the number is not even, it’s because 3 of them didn’t survive last winter.

I come from a rich family! ASK ME SOMETHING PLEASE!