I don’t know you or anything about you, but that sounds a lot like my internal dialogue did before I realized I was autistic. I do have a personality, I had just been hiding it as a form of masking, so I didn’t know it very well. I know autism is often used as an insult, but for me, it’s just a different perspective (I’m aware that not every autistic person is able to articulate what their experience is like, and I’m not discounting that it can be a very serious disability, this is just my view), and I’m absolutely not trying to insult you.

I’m either incredibly picky or 100% utilitarian depending on my stress and situation, and I’m very different from other people, so I sometimes feel really weird. I also often consider myself a failed adult, though I’m in a situation that many would call success. And I definitely miss all the personal space I was afforded during covid.

I don’t know if finding out would be as revelatory for you as it was for me, but you may want to look into it. I’m sorry if this was an overstep, I just recognize a lot of my former self in what you write, and I’m much happier since I found out.