I really don’t feel like existing anymore. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts for years now. I used to be 50%50 on killing myself. One hand it’s such a liberating thought. If I died then it will all be over and all my problems or go away but on the other hand I what if something good happens to me in the future? or what about all the other things I already enjoy?.
Sometimes I think things can get better but other times I think, how? I feel like I wasn’t designed for life. Life is a game that I’m losing no matter what. A game didn’t even choose to play btw. I feel beat down all I want to get myself a big box of pizza, a bunch of booze and overdose on cocaine.
Well, there are lots of places and road types Lamborghinis can’t go but other cars can ;)
We don’t always have to be first, be the best with everything. Especially school rewards a particular set of skills and neglects other talents.
We all have to make some money of course, and it’s best when we enjoy it. But even if it is just a job, there is more to life than that. Maybe you can enjoy painting. Or hiking. Or cooking. Or sports. It doesn’t even have to be competitive. Sometimes you can find people to enjoy hobbies or practice sports with just for the fun of it.
You can give love and be loved. Simply being kind to others can be rewarding as well. School rarely teaches us any of that.
Of course bad things happen. And we encounter bad people. But there are also good people out there to meet, friends to find, hobbies and interests to discover and explore.
We were given that chance and for all we know it might just be the only one. Don’t miss out on it.