Decades ago I walked out of a play and had the very blackest black pill moment you describe… I was shuddering in an alleyway in a large city, weeping uncontrollably. We walk around thinking… surely there is someone who can solve it. Solve this problem or that puzzle. And then for the big issues that plague humanity, you realize… if there was such a person, they would have done this. And then the abyss opens.