I’ve never thought about it until now, the only times when I ever felt fulfilled is when I’m doing something for others and helping them achieve their goals. I myself have goals and dreams of my own but I’ve never feel motivated to work towards them for myself, it just feels like a boring chore.
And thanks to that, my life is an absolute mess now, I know what I should have done for my own good but I just couldn’t find the will to do it without someone forces me, and sometimes even that doesn’t work.
I’m not saying I’m a good person, I’m anything but a saint, I might enjoy helping others but for some I just don’t give a damn.
This. I appreciate people saying “you have to be selfish / take care of yourself” but when you have depression, focusing on your self-improvements feels overwhelming or difficult. I have been there - helping friends was easy, but doing things for myself (like cleaning my room, getting rid of junk, or organizing my files) was hard-to-impossible. When I got on SSRIs, that helped me a lot. I ended up switching to microdosing because the SSRIs were interfering with other parts of my life, but SSRIs got me there.
If you can’t get to a mental health provider, sometimes you can get friends to help you, like you have helped them, but this won’t always work and isn’t a long-term solution.