“We spend so much effort trying not to offend anyone anymore. Why can’t we just get back to just offending everyone?”
I mean, it’s obviously wrong to lash out to do the opposite of what people order of you, yet I feel like in minor ways we’ve all done that to some degree. I also can’t think of any close group of friends that hasn’t picked out some kind of group that they are okay with disparaging - be it local drivers, voters of a political party, people playing a certain game, etc. If it seems like the goal for happiness is to just forbid any externally focused negativity, it’s not hard to see why that doesn’t seem appealing. People always have gripes, and want to express them.
You even see this with little kids. They do a thousand mean/bad things parents hate because they want to do things. The biggest tip I think early parents need is to stop leading every sentence with “Don’t ____!” - instead try to invent things that they can do that the parents are okay with. “Hey, count how many white cars are on the road.” “Hey, can you fill this coloring book using only wrong colors”, etc. They just want to figure out a ‘space’ that they’re not going to be shot down for inventiveness.
The key, and maybe this is something those coffee drinkers don’t understand and could even plausibly be taught, is to focus any gripes towards thoughts and actions of others, never identities. If you asked extremely bigoted people whether “people in wheelchairs are stupid”, I would bet a fair number of them would recoil and tell you to shove off, because even they know no one asks to be in a wheelchair. But it’s less clear to them why someone might end up a junkie on drugs, or illegally immigrating, or what multiple reasons there might be for links between arrest rate and skin color.
I have no idea why these people can step outside of themselves for even a short time to listen to the experiences of others
I mean, you may have answered your own question with the “I have no idea” part. If you can’t envision an even halfway possible reason for the life they’ve lead, bringing them to that point they make that statement, you have your own answer how it’s hard to put yourself in others’ shoes.
I mean, it’s obviously wrong to lash out to do the opposite of what people order of you, yet I feel like in minor ways we’ve all done that to some degree. I also can’t think of any close group of friends that hasn’t picked out some kind of group that they are okay with disparaging - be it local drivers, voters of a political party, people playing a certain game, etc. If it seems like the goal for happiness is to just forbid any externally focused negativity, it’s not hard to see why that doesn’t seem appealing. People always have gripes, and want to express them.
You even see this with little kids. They do a thousand mean/bad things parents hate because they want to do things. The biggest tip I think early parents need is to stop leading every sentence with “Don’t ____!” - instead try to invent things that they can do that the parents are okay with. “Hey, count how many white cars are on the road.” “Hey, can you fill this coloring book using only wrong colors”, etc. They just want to figure out a ‘space’ that they’re not going to be shot down for inventiveness.
The key, and maybe this is something those coffee drinkers don’t understand and could even plausibly be taught, is to focus any gripes towards thoughts and actions of others, never identities. If you asked extremely bigoted people whether “people in wheelchairs are stupid”, I would bet a fair number of them would recoil and tell you to shove off, because even they know no one asks to be in a wheelchair. But it’s less clear to them why someone might end up a junkie on drugs, or illegally immigrating, or what multiple reasons there might be for links between arrest rate and skin color.
I mean, you may have answered your own question with the “I have no idea” part. If you can’t envision an even halfway possible reason for the life they’ve lead, bringing them to that point they make that statement, you have your own answer how it’s hard to put yourself in others’ shoes.