At the time I wore it out of “choice” but in retrospect it’s clear that I was indoctrinated. I got religious purely from wanting to be a “good kid”, ended up hearing that women should wear hijab when they get their periods. I got it at 12 so I put it on. My dad was encouraging and to him it’s a mix of religious reasons and feeling like I look like a decent girl on a society with little respect for women, I think he was protective and worried, not religious and dominating. He didn’t have a “choice” either: you cover your women or you risk appearing as an immoral person (even if you understand that these things are not really related).

It felt bad for the first year because I was the only student in my class for a headscarf on from grade 6 to 8. In the middle east, women wearing hijab at younger ages + having darker skin is associated with poverty and ignorance, so people looked down on me but others were happy I was covered. After that it felt like shit, but I didn’t see what I could do because “god said so”. A year later I was reading the Quran and hated the verse about husbands told to beat their wives, I called a friend on the phone and cried as I talked about this. She agreed at the time and later became an atheist too. My faith started to turn into hate and resentment for god who made me “less than others”. A year after that, I discover Slayer, I’m on the internet more often, and finally decided to take the hijab off. It was not a pleasant experience.