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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ArtsyFartsy03 on 2023-06-26 17:00:33+00:00.

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My boyfriend (25M) of almost 5 years proposed to me recently, and I (24F) said yes. However, I did make it clear to him that his proposal could have been planned out better. Of course, he got upset and began to say that “maybe the next guy will get it right”.

To give some backstory, my now fiancé and I have had some issues pertaining his family. Often, his family would make comments at my expense usually about my weight and how I cannot speak Spanish fluently even though I am also Hispanic. He has since apologized for them, but has never really said anything to his family about how they hurt my feelings. I have tried to get over it because I do love my fiancé and it should be about our relationship more than theirs…right?

Anyways, my fiancé decided to propose to me in the house that is being built for us that we are buying together. He invited his family to be there as well as mine. On the morning of the proposal I was dressed in sweatpants, a simple tee shirt , and with no makeup since we were planning on just seeing the progress of our house. Also, my sinuses were really bad and I could barely breath out of my nose so I felt horrible. My fiancé was aware of this.

We made it to the house and he had rose petals on the floor and I looked around and only saw his family behind us. I looked at him and he was already on one knee asking me to marry him. I felt like everything was happening so fast and we did not even get to have one second alone together because his parents were coming out from the hallway. However, I did say yes because I do love my fiancé very much. A little later, I saw some of my family come out as well and they were happy and wanted to take pictures.

At this point I still felt horrible and I felt that I looked horrible as well. It was not how I imagined my proposal would go.

My fiancé and I talked about what I would like to happen at the proposal, prior. I told him it was ok to have our families there IF we could have a nice moment together. I also told him that he had to make sure I was dressed nice. Also, I would’ve have thought that it was obvious that I needed to NOT be sick.

When I explained this all to him he got very upset and explained that “he needed to get it done before we went on vacation” and that he had already told his parents that we were doing it that day so he couldn’t change it. This was very confusing to me. It felt like he cared more about his family’s feelings more than mine and that this proposal happened to please his parent and not me.

He told me that if I wasn’t happy with how things went, then what was he supposed to do…propose again? Of course, I said no and that I love him and want to marry him but I just felt like the actual proposal could’ve have been better because ultimately I did not like it. Am I the Asshole in this situation?