I wish I could deny this, but no: I remember spirting a bit out on my parents’ carpet in my late 20s one time when I came down with a sudden case of norovirus.

Another fun fact to go with that is that upon realising that I couldn’t go much more than 5 minutes without peeing pure brown liquid out my ass, I did end up just laying in the bath tub for a few hours and let it trickle out whenever it wanted to.

I just curled up in the fetal position and accepted that this was my life. I’d put the shower on to rinse myself down every now and again.