I’ve been on a medical LOA since last year and tomorrow I go back to work and I keep thinking about how almost all my coworkers I knew are gone and processes have changed. Also that if I do something wrong I might injure myself again and be right back where I was a year ago (I have been cleared for full job duties by my doctor).
I also lost my father around the same time that I found out I was diagnosed ADHD (actually misdiagnosed I later found out) and my brain was racked between taking care of my mother and trying to get through it myself. And then in top of all that, the anxiety of going through everyday life wondering if I’ve lost the chance to be who I wanted to be.
The only thing that helped me was telling my close friends what was going on and how much I felt like everything was crushing me. I did end up on medication for bi-polar 1 which has helped me stay more focused without feeling low.
I’m sorry for your loss my friend.