I both agree and disagree with the grandma statement.

I’m fifty one years old for context.

My paternal grandparents were exactly as you describe.

My maternal grandparents truly, deeply loved each other. They were a partnership who looked at their marriage from the point of what each of them could give to the other. They enjoyed each other’s company and were inseparable. My grandmother in particular was held in enormously high regard throughout her community and was sought for advice and arbitration on a regular basis.

When I look at my peers of the same era, their grandparents were quite frequently like mine. Some of the pictures we have of our grandparents from the forties are just endearing. Young Grandma and Grandpa playing around with each other, smiles as big as a small country. Real smiles, not say cheese fake stuff.

I guess the point I’m getting to is that it’s definitely true that society punished single women for existing in their generation (I’m leaving part of my grandma’s story out because that gets held tight to my vest). It was essentially such that women were not autonomous human beings.

But to say or even hint that love wasn’t part of marriage in most cases for that generation is patently false. What is true, is that women in shitty marriages were, as you state, trapped. And that sucked a lot.

I don’t even know if I’ve made a point. You just made me think of my grandma and how much I miss her.