Since there are no ads on Mastodon, I am offering to advertise for any companies on here. My only requirements are: 1. I get to write the ad. 2. The ad will in no way accurately portray your company and might state that you were responsible for the Cuban Missile Crisis. 3. For each post you must pay me $10,000 and write me a handwritten note that says I am your best friend. 4. You must put out an official statement stating that you take full responsibility for the Cuban Missile Crisis.