Still looking for a good word describing that strange mental state you’ll find yourself in when you know how to mask almost perfectly, but just learned that you can’t keep that up any longer, because that was the thing that almost crushed you.
First off, I love the term neurospicy!
Have you checked out a book called Unmasking Autism? If not, it may help you a lot. https://www.amazon.com/Unmasking-Autism-Discovering-Faces-Neurodiversity/dp/B09BBM2WQJ/
I haven’t finished it yet but it’s been immensely informative.
One thing I learned from this book is that autism, among other things, until recently was not viewed from point of “how is this person feeling or experiencing this?” it gets viewed as how the Autist is different or bothering neurotypicals by not following social norms. And I saw a hint of that idea in the picture.
Masking is exhausting and energy intensive. You’re having to consciously recognize you’re doing something different, and figure out what is expected and fake it and pay attention to whether you think they know you’re faking or not.
Isn’t it silly that people being illogical and confusing is considered neurotypical?
Like small things that would just be cleaer if the speaker was direct and clear are considered imposing. For example, being offered something in a lot of cultures is frequently a song and dance with the ‘right’ number of refusals. There is so much importance on just doing what everyone else does that being honest and direct (not ‘brutally honest’) because that is considered reading social cues is one of the symptoms of a disorder.
YES!
Why the little song and dance?
Hi how are you?
I’m fine, thanks. How are you?
Good, thanks
When really neither are fine. It’s all a lie.
not ‘brutally honest’
Ugh, I hate this one. I’ve been called it for answering yes/no questions honestly. Like why are you asking if you just want to be lied to? I just refused to play along in casual conversation (I’m better about lying at work cause it’s very separated) and people either learn to stop asking me questions they don’t want the answers or they learn to stop talking to me.
Tell me about it. After I got my ADHD diagnosis my psychiatrist referred me to a autism specialist as he suspected traits etc… Eventually get to the appointment and the specialist basically tells me, “You’re definitely on the spectrum and if I had to present it as an analogy, if your clock is meant to read 3 it reads 9; BUT given how late your diagnosis is and the coping mechanisms you’ve developed, I can’t give you a disorder diagnosis”. I was just like, thank you?
Doesn’t mean I don’t have to work hard on those coping mechanisms. It’s exhausting and frustrating knowing the climb for me is on a greater incline than others. Don’t even get me started on the self loathing that kicks in when I find myself showing symptoms while engaged with other people. They don’t realise it but I’m fucking dying inside every.single.time.
Also, +1 for neurospicy. Takes on a whole different meaning when I put my sub-continental roots into context :D
The word is burnout
