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My parents did this all the time when I was growing up. They weren’t “talking shit,” but instead were saying things like, “he won’t stick with Tae Kwon Do” or “he won’t finish that model he wasted his allowance on.” Things like that. I gotta tell you, it fucked me up pretty bad. There were a lot of things that I gave up on because I figured “who cares?” I ended up becoming a massive introvert and learning to keep things to myself just so I wouldn’t possibly disappoint them. I’m better now, but it’s taken a long time of self evaluation and learning to find worth in things that I do just for myself.
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I always pursue hobbies clandestinely or just don’t bother.
Jeez that’s messed up, talk about a self-fulfilling prophesy.
So they were right then…/j
I want to believe.
The truth is out there.
I only had to listen to my parents verbally fight together for hours every single day/evening for about 3-4 years when I was a kid. That fucked me up pretty bad too and I’m so afraid of and anxious nowadays with my girlfriend and avoid all conflicts if I can and just pull me into myself when there are issues.
I don’t have the same background for it, but currently doing the exact same thing. Tiptoeing around eggshells to avoid conflict of any sort, retreating and agreeing at the slightest sign of friction. Recently started seeing a therapist that made me aware of how incredibly toxic and self-destructive this is. We both gotta be better, take care of yourself man.
Yo, my wife struggles with this. Because I had the same issue with my parents fighting and now any time there’s a conflict I either shut down or fucking panic. She’ll get frustrated and literally just need some time and I’ll go in to survival mode, and generally make things worse. We’ve been together long enough to learn how to cope with that but it was pretty hairy for a little bit.
Bro, get some therapy for that shit. Don’t let it set a coarse for your relationship.
Luckily I have the sweetest girlfriend who does not judge me or say bad things to me ever. We both have had our issues in the past and now we support eachother and it’s really nice. She now knows how I react and understands why and gives me some space. That have actually made me come out of my shell a bit and significantly reduced the anxiety whenever there’s a small disagreement. I’ve slowly learned that disagreement does not equal fighting, but can actually lead to interesting talks about what and why each of us like different things. I can still flinch inside a bit whenever there’s a small disagreement, but have slowly learned to talk about it instead of just locking it up. It has taken years however.
Talk about delimiting both ends of your subclauses. #americanGhostComma.
believe in your kids.
Plot twist: They create a spoiled child who never learned how to deal with the sting of disappointment and thus seldomly learn from their mistakes…
I realize you’re making a funny but I wanted to point out just in case anyone took this comment seriously, this is not how any of this works. Being positive about your child’s accomplishments doesn’t spoil them. It’s setting them up for false expectations that does it.
Yea, that’s why it requires the plot twist. Though cheering on non-accomplishment like mid performances or roles like trees, is a good way to set the false expectation of receiving praise for effort instead of accomplishment.
Though that lesson can be good or bad depending on what they learn about effort. If they think all effort deserves praise, that’s bad.
I don’t think you’ve got it here bub. All effort does deserve praise. If your kid tried their best in an audition and is a tree and they continue to try despite it not being what they want either, then you praise them for trying so hard to be an awesome tree.
If your kid isn’t trying, you aren’t praising effort anyway.
Maybe there’s 5 kids that excel at drama in their 1st grade class. Who knows why. But if they tried and are a tree, so be it.
Nah, you’re imagining a hateful parent. Stop taking uncharitable interpretations. My expression is off explaining a joke. Do not be so hateful as to assume I would boo children participating in a play.
This is in the context where it’d be bad to praise. I’m explaining a subset of the situation. Of fucking course honest, actual involvement where they’re trying deserves praise. That was not the situation being discussed. Good job assuming intent on a joke.
I at least qualified my explanation with “plot twist”. It seems some of you are too stupid to realize I was not promoting my joke as the more accurate take. Sad.
If you have to explain your “joke” this much, then you should consider the fact that maybe it’s just not funny.
Nah, you guys are just triggered morons who think I abuse children, when THE ENTIRE JOKE requires the negative outcome to be unexpected.
Fucking grow up and realize the real world is full of uncouth things. You didn’t like a crass joke. Fucking grow up.
Nah. I love crass jokes, but even after reading your 3 different attempts to explain it, I still don’t understand what you think is funny, or even what part of it you think is the punch line.
Wow, if you have kids, I hope you don’t treat them that way. You’ll be setting them up with the expectation that their best will never be good enough.
Good job completely and utterly failing to realize what the words “plot twist” means. Genuinely pathetic.
Every day more and more child development research shows that one of the worst things we can do to our children is discourage them when it comes to participation. Even in jest these sentiments only perpetuate harmful childrearing.
Mine was a joke emphasizing the other extreme and getting the unexpected. If you take a joke response to a joke seriously, it is not my problem.
Furthermore, the joke is only really a joke if the result is unexpected. You are ironically implying a spoiled child is a reasonably possible outcome when you act so offended over the mere implication.
Your joke is only perpetuating ignorance and it is only really a joke because of that ignorance.
Someone criticizing your words or actions does not equal someone being offended.
Wrong. The joke isn’t a twist if it’s an expected result.
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Maybe they were just worried and in their own weird way it came from a place of love. I don’t know, but as my own failures pile up I just hope my kids know I’m trying.
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Entitled, self-serving and “nose up”, piece of shit person growing up in 3,2…
Who hurt you?
Nobody, the OP seems like recipe for disaster, things needs their balance. We can’t just roll around and say that all kids are amazing, great, perfect and their accomplishments are the best thing in the world all the time. If we do that we end up with a society of dull, inept. unable to collaborate, deal with hardship people.
I’m not saying you should psychologically obliterate children, I’m just saying they also need to be given bad feedback in honest ways and learn that the world isn’t all pink and participation medals.
This image says it all:
This is a pessimistic, almost nihilistic view of human nature and development.
Agreed. That participation rewards being handed out right and left it is not even funny.
Y’know, I keep hearing about these participation awards messing up kids but no one I talk to is able to demonstrate a single person that grew up with them and how the trophies messed them up. I feel it’s a condescending view of children that they don’t understand the implications of a ‘participation trophy’ when they get one. It’s not like they aren’t expected to do their work in school and their grading is an extension of how hard they work.
