Did y’all stop inviting me because I shit the bed at the least sleepover?

Hearing my internal voice pronounce that initialization feels like I committed a hate crime

Hem of his shirt pulled all the way up to his chin with his elbows splayed, arching his back to make sure all the peepee doesn’t dribble onto his pants again.

When he’s done, penguin-walks his bare ass to the sink and asks someone else walking in to put the soap on his hand and press the water.

Finishes up with an intense fascination with the hand dryer that’s almost impossible to understand. Goes back to his family wiping his runny nose on his barely-washed hands.

More like the “Fart Toot Caca,” amirite???
* Hold for nonexistent applause *

My badge is from Canada; it attends college there.

As my college RA who suffered from an extreme fear of zombies once told us during one of his multiple zombie preparedness meetings:

Never try lighting zombies on fire, especially if you’re in the same building as them. You know what’s the only thing worse than a bunch of zombies shambling up the stairs towards you? A bunch of zombies on fire shambling up the stairs towards you.

You underestimate our ability to analyze every problem and solution, and then light both of them on fire.

Especially your Lemmy profile. When you have to explain “federated” to USBP, you know they’re 5 minutes from welcoming you to the US with open arms.

“Shitass”

It fits perfectly in your hole? Like a flower coral?

Most mid Oreo I’ve ever tried. Not bad enough to be bad, but very far from good. Kinda waxy tasting.

If I’d purchased a random assorted Gamesa pack, I’d think they tried and failed to mimick https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abuelita and failed. The fact that Nabisco made this tells me that someone asked “what’ll the Mexicans eat?” and farted out this idea, concluding it’s good enough for the most milquetoast Latinx corporate campaign ever.

They probably asked chat-gpt if they should add AI to Barbie and were told, “That’s a great idea! You’re right that such an important high-selling product would be improved by letting children talk directly to it.”

Also, can’t wait to jailbreak my Barbie and install llama2-uncensored on it so that it can call Ken a deadbeat shithead.

Lemmy and YouTube. That’s it. Everything else gives me too much anxiety. At work, if I have to reference something from social media, I ask other people to look it up for me and send me the link.

“What am I???”
- Person with 3 million dollars

- Empire TSA agent

Oh no! The power went out over night and all my family photos melted!

You hear that? Netanyahu is woke. We gotta drop this DEI regime!

Alternative take: Netanyahu has the balls and courtesy to flatten entire families instead of just the men. How chivalrous.

Fuck…

Could you imagine getting fired by your AI CEO because it hallucinated your name into an AI-generated post mortem of a crash caused by AI-generated code

Trying to force the singularity, I see

Really? I only get 3-phase @ 60Hz