(Content warning, discussions of SA and misogyny, mods I might mention politics a bit but I hope this can be taken outside the context of politics and understood as a discussion of basic human decency)
We all know how awful Reddit was when a user mentioned their gender. Immediate harassment, DMs, etc. It’s probably improved over the years? But still awful.
Until recently, Lemmy was the most progressive and supportive of basic human dignity of communities I had ever followed. I have always known this was a majority male platform, but I have been relatively pleased to see that positive expressions of masculinity have won out.
All of that changed with the recent “bear vs man” debacle. I saw women get shouted down just for expressing their stories of being sexually abused, repeatedly harassed, dogpiled, and brigaded with downvotes. Some of them held their ground, for which I am proud of them, but others I saw driven to delete their entire accounts, presumably not to return.
And I get it. The bear thing is controversial; we can all agree on this. But that should never have resulted in this level of toxicity!
I am hoping by making this post I can kind of bring awareness to this weakness, so that we can learn and grow as a community. We need to hold one another accountable for this, or the gender gap on this site is just going to get worse.
You have a fair point, but that doesn’t make the original point less important. You are on the statistically safer side of the coin, but NO one should be treated this way.
Historically, rape victims on both sides have been ignored, blamed, and chastised. This needs to change. We need to have better treatment and justice for SA victims. Gender or sex shouldn’t come into the picture for how the situation is handled.
I get why you’re mad at this, and I do not want to talk about details of my life, but I get why you’re mad at this for personal reasons. I just think it’s slightly misdirected. I wish people would take you seriously, again, for personal reasons. I hope you find support and safety.
men don’t get support and safety for being victims. we get ostracized and many see our confession of previous abuse as ‘evidence’ that we deserved it and brought it upon ourselves.
For many things, yes. I used to want to adopt kids, but I don’t think I can deal with the public perception of being a male(-ish) person caring for children anymore, having heard so many rough stories from close friends, who at least have a wife to yell at sexists. Having a less traditional partnership won’t win any positive counts in the public eye, no matter how good of parents we might be.
There are quite a few stories of the same ostracizing for females (regarding SA), just less public attention on the stories for males who go through similar problems. All in all it’s fucked and we need people to take this seriously. I see the stand that this is making everyone defensive, but at the same time it is at least calling up the issue and maybe after people calm down, more people might acknowledge it? Yeah. I am too naive. Or wishful.
i am naive too, but experience has taught me that with age people only get worse, they don’t get better.
i’m now at the age where if i walk my dog and someone’s kid wants to pet it they think i’m a pedo trying to seduce their kid. nothing is just innocent and pure anymore. the well has been poisoned and people assume the worst when they have zero reason too… (well other than that the internet/tv told them to do it)
This is basically my entire point. Don’t make posts like “I’d rather the bear than the women because a bear will just maul me but the woman will force me to have sex with her,” which are designed to evoke a negative reaction. Instead, a real conversation where it’s victim v offender instead of man v woman is likely more productive. Now that it has become an inflammatory gendered thing all we’re doing is talking about that instead of the “original intent” (frankly I think it was intended as it came, but “benefit of the doubt” I guess.)
so much this. The entire point of this statement was LITERALLY to talk about this problem, and here we are with people saying “yeah actually, you’re why i choose the bear”
This is genuinely turning into LAMF material as we speak.
Yeah. Definitely fair on the probably not pure intentions part as well, but I’m frequently too quick to give the benefit of the doubt, even after all this time.
I’m sorry if this conversation is rough for you.
Thanks, but I’m over what happened now, it was years ago, but it just bugs me to deal with all the bullshit surrounding it, like this issue with the bear thing.
I just think we should all come together on this issue for the betterment of everyone instead of bicker about “men this, women that, and nonbinary don’t exist in this conversation.”