I’ve been in therapy for 10 years, and with my current therapist for 4 of them. I love him and he’s great, and don’t get me wrong therapy is a life saver, but I recently hung out with a childhood friend and we talked about some deep things. My therapist is a pro and doesn’t offer advice other than helping perspective shifts, but my friend made some observations and suggestions that hit home. He just straight up said “huh, it sounds like you should call your mom more” and “you know, I see what you do and I don’t think the weed has been stopping your productivity, but if it’s in the way of happiness you need to do what you need to do” (my big thing with weed was I would kick myself for not getting shit done while high).

I realized I haven’t really opened up much to friends and partners, primarily because I’d say “I’ll just hold this for therapy”. Way long ago I dated someone who was very “I’m not your therapist, please leave that for Tuesday”, and I kinda kept that. It’s easy for me to talk to someone who doesn’t know anyone in my life and I trust will be neutral, but at the same time I have had trouble communicating with people in my outside life.

I dunno, just was a thought.

  • @thews
    1•6 months ago

    Sometimes when my wife has to deal with hard decisions about family things, I listen but then have to tell her I’m not sure what would be the best way to handle it is. I recommend her to ask her therapist because her therapist was a social worker and has dealt with some of the situations she chooses to face.
    I can be overly cautious and not want to offer any thoughts that might lead to a bad outcome.
    Sometimes we explore chatgpt for answers together, but it can be awful for that. I’m glad you have a friend to talk about an insecurity with.

    I’ve had lots of bad advice from friends or family that I have to just ignore, and that can eventually make me want to stop talking to people about those issues. I am a little too stoic and lean on thinking I should just toughen up.

    If you have a partner it’s definitely important to be able to talk to them in a deep way, if they are short and it seems off, it might be good to see if you can extract what really might be making them act that way. Everyone has their scars.