I’m conflicted. I have a parent who’s dying. I feel the void of the parenting I was supposed to receive. They never fulfilled any of the obligations I consider appropriate. I’m a parent, now. They did none of the things I’m doing for my kids.
On some level, I know the expectation is that I should feel sad. There’s literally no realistic expectation that they’ll turn a new leaf in their 70’s and suddenly become a decent human being. Maybe there’s a 1 in a million chance, but when they die, that’s definitively 0. I want them to turn a new leaf, but I know it’s unrealistic. I get jealous (and keep it to myself) when my friends and family have their parents in their lives.
On the other hand, they are literally the worst person in my life. I’ve never had anyone treat me as badly and fail me so hard as they have. I haven’t spoken to them in years. They literally don’t understand why, because they’re a narcissist. Very “missing, missing reasons” kind of person.
So I’m conflicted. I have tons of evidence that they suck, but there’s still a part of me that craves a parent actually being there. Part of me thinks I should feel bad when anyone suffers and passes away, but another part of me is borderline relieved.
Feel however you want to feel, just don’t let a single motherfucker tell you how you should.
I was ‘stuck’ with a useless ass parent until he experienced a sudden death. I should have felt relief but the person I was dating at the time was insisting that I should be grieving. I actually had a pretty awful dinner a week after the funeral where I was being berated for not crying enough. The ex had unresolved daddy issues and was grieving vicariously through me.
Anyway, later on I was cleaning his car and found proof that he was cheating on my mom for years, then his poor financial decisions kept cropping up. That motherfucker haunted me a decade after his death with his various mistakes.
That’s just my experience, but in the end I ended up gretting the little bit of sympathy I did feel, and you know yourself and your parent best. If you dont feel they’re worth the feels, they probably arent.