Hi,
My partner ( M 40 ) is having a lot off troubles at the moment. He has normally pills to help hin out SSRI medicine and also some for ADHD but that doos not do much in my opinion.
When he started the adhd ones I was hoping we found the problem. Cause he is more than 20 years looking for the right help. Sometimes it is doable, sometimes good… But even with the pills he gets times that it is hurting him to be awake. Normal he also smokes weed to get a bit off the feelings gone.
Recently he started to drink (wodka/whiskey/rum) yust to be a bit relaxed. Specially when he is without his weed. About a half a bottle a day. Befor he was not a drinker and was always sober.
This week he got sick and everything that was a bit good seems to be forgotten. It was not a full week that he was what i would call resonanle. It is the 6th time he gets this deep in a few years. That can last weeks.
He feels incompetent / wast of space / bad example for our son ( 13 ) / negative to be with / should be gone out off our lives / has a cassandracomplex about the earth and society ( pollution, war with russia, monny…) He can not enjoy his hobbies and wants to be dead.
We talk. I try to make him understand that he is worth a lot to me ( us ) but he sais I need to get me a real man.
I try to make him do thinks like walking just to be in the sun, move and see light that day but i cant force him.
I try to talk and make him see that he has a job, a house, us, family… but than he sais he doos love us and that is the reason he has to be gone. Than our life will get good.
I suggest massages but he feels i should not be bothered. I do. He is my partner.
I gave stupid tasks before to help him get doing something. Finishing something. Accompliching stuff. But no.
I m telling that his life did not turn happy after his father died ( when he was about the age off our son now ). That he wiched he could speek to him. Talk, ask questions… but those are wiches and not possible. Waste off time and emotions. He almost can not cry but wendsday he did while talking about his dad and his hate for himself.
Last time it was bad I adked his mon to tell him more about his dad. He knows a lot about him but i wanted to get him to talk.
He is seeing a psychologist… Our next apointment is the first week off juli. Seems so far away now.
If one off you knows a thing i can do. Plx tell me.
This time I feel so powerless and useless to get him what he needsn
Depression is tough. Being a good partner during it is really hard. Make sure youre taking care of yourself while you’re trying to help him.
SSRIs are different for everyone and its important to evaluate how they might be affecting him with a professional. Keeps encouraging the therapy!
Alcohol can also affect the way SSRIs interact with their mood. It may provide temporary relief for the tough feelings but it will in, nearly all cases, result in a dependency cycle. It will bring his mood down and have him wanting more to readjust.
I’d ask that he abstain until therapy and meds can be evaluated/adjusted if necessary. Its a tough ask when things are that dark for someone, but it would be helpful to go into therapy with as close to a baseline mood as it can be.
There’s going to be better days and worse days. For him and you. Try to help each other through the next few months. You might be pulling more emotional weight, but don’t look at it that way if it can be helped. Something easier said than done.
Good luck.
Thank you for the response.
He is normally a not drinker. So the last few weeks were a bit shocking to see him drink a 1/3 to 1/2 a bottle of whiskey from the bottle. I do hope he will listen about not drinking like that. I don’ t mind him having a glass for enjoying… What he doos now is to extreme. But not drinking untill his psych can reagust the meds would be good.
I know about the good and the bad days. For him now he sees only bad things. My positive words he don’t seem to understand. I’m naive, delusional, masochistic and have a form off Stockholmsyndrome. Otherwise I would kick him out.
I gonna call to ask for faster appointment tomorrow. I cross my fingers cause there not much chance to find a faster empty space in the agenda off the psych.