Hello dads,

I’ll be a dad myself shortly, and it’s entirely planned, we discussed the idea and then worked towards making it happen. My wife is over the moon and loving the whole process and I’m struggling to see it as a positive change. All I’m seeing is more bills and tasks.

I want to be excited and enthusiastic during the pregnancy (and of course afterwards) but I’m struggling to see this as a positive change for our next - at least - 5 years.

It’s causing some stress between my wife and I, when really I’d much prefer we were bonding now in preparation for the stress our relationship is going to need to endure after the baby arrives.

I guess this is partly just venting, I feel like anyone I know that I might say this to, would think I’m a bad person considering it was entirely planned and now I’m not feeling it after its too late to undo, but if anyone has some ideas on how I can focus more on the positives (I do see them… watching their personality growing, seeing the world from their fresh perspective, a sense of investment in the future, etc. I just struggle to focus on them) of this and less on the incoming bills and sleepless night and relationship stress, so my wife and I can bond, it’d mean a lot to me.

I’m also concerned that I’m seeing the baby as a problem instead of a… Source of joy? and that this might mean I don’t really have a natural parental instinct, so I won’t love it like I should, but instead see it as a series of chores and costs and problems.

  • @barcaxaviEnglish
    6•6 months ago

    Father of a 1,5 year old here. First off, I was kind of the same. But maybe we didn’t have a huge difference in our feelings with the wife. As many have wrote, holding the child for the first time is really something, then her first smile, and the first day spent together just the 2 of us, hearing “Daddy” when you get home…

    I understand the anxiety but you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself and think about the problems. One good reasons for this from our example: our child sleeps from 9 to 7 with walking up just a few sips of water once or twice. I would never guessed this before and would have been silly to be anxious about it.

    You’ll be fine, just be sure to support your wife in this time and the feelings will come.