“My grandpa worked at the gives-orphans-cancer factory until he died of cancer, my daddy worked at the gives-orphans-cancer factory until he died of cancer, I’ve been working at the gives-orphans-cancer factory for the last twenty five years and by God I’m proud of my recent cancer diagnosis, and I will fight with every fiber of my being to make sure that my son grows up to work at the gives-orphans-cancer factory!”