I (20M) was never really a social person and spendy my middle school alone but I was able to make some friends in high school

However, ever since I started my Bachelors I’ve struggled to make friends.

I’ve tried joining clubs or participating in events but even when I do manage to have successful conversations I can’t manage to turn that into a friendship. Considering how the year just ended I’m not going to have a chance

I never minded being alone when I was younger but my loneliness is really starting to really affect me.

I’ve lost any internet in watching tv shows or movies or playing any games, I can’t find the motivation to study and always feel tired.

I’ve also started to constantly fantasize about being in a romantic relationship and worry about if I’ll be alone for the rest of my life despite the fact that I’ve never had any interests in relationships or even an IRL crush.

I also have a porn addiction that’s growing worse and I’m worried about its long term effects on me.

I’ve also never had any online friends before which means I don’t know where to start.

I really need help.

  • @Stovetop
    English
    2•1 month ago

    Therapy is a good option just to get yourself back into a stable mental place. If you’re a university student, your school can likely help get you in contact with some options and other resources.

    I made some friends in college essentially through shared suffering. I am not that close with them anymore, but they are good people and it was fun to commiserate about bullshit finals and hot gossip from around campus. After college, I still make new friends, even in my 30’s. Basically, the best way is to find a hobby. That can be video games even; start playing an MMO or other online game and see if you can find a group of decent people to play with regularly. At any age, you can always join some kind of hobbyist group. A painting circle, an improv group, a community band, volunteer, become a regular at the gym, etc. BUT! You’re at a university; there should be all sorts of clubs, teams, initiatives etc. that you can join to meet new people. Get to know people that like the things you like, find opportunities to hang out more outside of your normal circles, and then friendships develop. But don’t join things just to make friends and meet people. Try to genuinely enjoy what it is you’re doing, because the key is to actually have that common interest. And sometimes you may need to take time to figure out what that is. I once joined some clubs because they were for things I liked, but then it turned out I didn’t like those things in social situations. Sometimes going outside of your comfort zone to try something new is the ticket—something you’d never do on your own but could be fun with others.

    As far as relationship, that’s something I can’t really offer advice on because everyone is looking for something different and some people feel that need for intimacy more. The tactic that worked for me was just to not really make it an active priority, and then eventually I found someone to be happy with for a while. But I never agonized during those years I was single because it was never as huge a priority for me as it is for others, so I can’t say that the “wait and see” approach works for everyone. But you’re still young, you’ve got a lot of time to figure out what you’re looking for in a partner. The trend is that younger generations today are starting relationships, getting married, having kids etc. a lot later than previous generations, just the nature of the economy today, so don’t buy into the outdated concept that you’ve gotta find the one in your early 20’s.