Joe Biden’s son Hunter has officially withdrawn from the race to become President of the United States following his felony conviction for gun offences.

Many right-wing commentators have long speculated what a felony conviction for Hunter Biden could mean for the political prospects of the Biden family, and Hunter has spoken publicly to put an end to all such speculation.

He told reporters, “Although I plan to appeal, I respect the judicial processes in the country, and the rule of law, and as such, I think it would bring shame on this great nation to have a convicted felon running for President – which is why today I announce that I have no intention of running for President, or any office for that matter.

“It would make a mockery of our democracy if I were to try and become President having just been judged to be a felon by a jury of my peers. How would we look on the world stage? I would have zero credibility outside of my own crazy supporters. That is no way to lead a nation.

“No, that can not happen – and I don’t care if this puts an end to my own personal political ambitions, I must do what is right for this country. And that means reluctantly stepping away from frontline politics.

“My father, of course, will continue his career in politics, because he’s not a felon, and only ill-informed imbeciles will blame him for the actions of his son.”

“Remember to vote in November!”

  • @barsquid
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    265 months ago

    Oh shit, he was already convicted? Did his lawyers forget to jam up the court with bullshit paperwork and delays so that the trail takes months to complete?

    I had no idea any trial was going on because I didn’t get daily news about Hunter urging a cult of brainlets to target court staff, court family members, and the jury with threats and harassment.

    Are we supposed to sob about perverting the justice system over politics and screech about starting a civil war now? I didn’t realize the verdict would be so soon, I’ve got other stuff to do this week.