For a long time I have not felt belonging to either the Pro Choice or Pro Life groups and recently came across ProGrace which sets politics aside to focus on aiding the woman and meeting her needs directly both during and after her pregnancy regardless as to how she decides to proceed. This got my attention and I have since taken their training course, listened to their podcast and started some of their recommended reading to further my understanding.

In full disclosure I am a white christian male in the southeastern USA who has experienced two unplanned pregnancies myself and after learning of how terribly the church has handled their support of women, especially around unplanned pregnancy, I am looking to work with my wife to educate those within our sphere of influence to address this.

However, as mentioned above, I am a male and so naturally my experience around the issue simply does not compare to the depth of emotion and trauma that a woman would experience and so I am hoping to learn from those here who are or have experienced an unplanned pregnancy to better understand what support is needed to bring women through the traumas associated, overcome the fear and shame around the issue, and just generally help in any way I can.

I know this is a sensitive topic and so I would not ask for sharing directly in the comments here. Rather I am hoping to chat directly whether via Signal, email, etc. or even a quick call for those comfortable with that (can use Jitsi, Signal or another private voice chat to avoid needing to share any personal details). I would like to simply listen to your experience; I will not debate, judge, etc. as my goal is entirely to learn.

Thank you for taking the time to read and consider.

  • EpheraEnglish
    4•5 months ago

    ProGrace which sets politics aside to focus on aiding the woman and meeting her needs directly both during and after her pregnancy regardless as to how she decides to proceed.

    I mean, that sounds like pro-choice to me. Pro-choice is about letting the pregnant woman decide.

    This is also crucial for the care of a woman with an unwanted pregnancy. If she’s been raped or does not feel like she will be able to support the baby, then the abortion is extremely important for her mental health.

    Laws restricting choice often also restrict what procedures doctors are allowed to perform. It can and has already lead to situations where an abortion is considered medically necessary, or even the only logical step forward, because the fetus is already dead in the womb, but doctors still will not do it, because it could mean they get fined for it.

    In my opinion, the logical path for straddling both sides is to leave the pregant woman’s choice 100% intact, but then make it easy for her to choose the pregnancy.
    In other words, universal healthcare, a high-quality child care network, maternity leave, and assistance for getting the child adopted. Preventing unwanted pregnancies by providing contraceptives also helps a lot.
    I feel like that’s also why this discussion hardly exists in developed nations outside of the US, because they have these things.

    • makeitsoMEnglish
      2•5 months ago

      I went pretty deep into the ProGrace website and blogs…sadly, leaving the woman’s choice intact is not what they are about at all.

      • EpheraEnglish
        1•5 months ago

        Yeah, I meant to say with that, that maybe OP’s orientation is simply pro-choice. I did also have the impression that this ProGrace organisation did not match OP’s goals. But well, personally I didn’t go that deep down their webpage, nor did I want to claim to know better than OP what their motivation is, so I figured, I’d just advertise for pro-choice and let OP make up their own mind…

        • makeitsoMEnglish
          2•5 months ago

          Thanks for the pro-choice sentiment and for being so respectful!

    • @[email protected]OPEnglish
      1•5 months ago

      In my opinion, the logical path for straddling both sides is to leave the pregant woman’s choice 100% intact, but then make it easy for her to choose the pregnancy. In other words, universal healthcare, a high-quality child care network, maternity leave, and assistance for getting the child adopted. Preventing unwanted pregnancies by providing contraceptives also helps a lot. I feel like that’s also why this discussion hardly exists in developed nations outside of the US, because they have these things.

      Agreed and I think this is where the group is aiming along with myself as well

      • makeitsoMEnglish
        1•5 months ago

        Is it your personal belief that until legislation and SCOTUS rulings align such that American citizens have access to all of those things (universal healthcare, high-quality child care network, etc), that every American should have unrestricted access to high-quality, affordable, local abortion healthcare?

        • @[email protected]OPEnglish
          2•5 months ago

          I would say that prohibition of local abortion healthcare is not the answer regardless as to what other options are available.

          Since writing the OP I’ve found a local pregnancy center that offers services in alignment with the above that is in need of male volunteers. I’ll have my orientation next week and hope to be of help there.

          • makeitsoMEnglish
            1•5 months ago

            Good luck to you, I hope you are able to help people and certainly respect your desire to do so.