I’ve known Jack for a couple of years. He’s kind of a loner but we always got along as we both have some geeky interests. We’re both introverts but I’m somewhat more social.
My girlfriend is also an introvert and when I introduced them, years ago, it was awkward at first but they got along pretty well. We hang out occasionally the three of us.
Mostly we talk in a Facebook group, and I talk to him in private messages. A few times, when he went through a family problem, I knew (from my girlfriend) that he vented to her in a private messages. She was happy to help but felt the need to tell me and I was OK with it.
When we do something at my house, I always invite him but he always refuses. The few times he aquiesced was because my girlfriend convinced him. Sometimes he disables all his social media and we loose all contact.
The latest one has been going for a while. I tried to call him multiple times but he never answers. When my girlfriend messages him he answers immediately. We actually tested that when we were together.
Lately he’s been sending her messages trying to chit chat and being somewhat insistent. She felt it was very weird, specially after her seeing he never answer my calls. This latest time she actually confronted him about it and point blank asked him if he was mad at me and that it was all very weird.
You know what I’m thinking…but I’d like to know your perspective.
It sounds like he has a lot of emotional issues that might be flying under the radar, and he might not be acting like this if everything was okay for him. Maybe neurodivergence? There’s might be malice, but it’s important not to assume that because there might not be (as hard as that might be to believe, seeing this behaviour firsthand like you are). Extreme isolation tactics like disabling all messaging for long periods are worrying as well; when I used to do that it was to see how people got used to me not being around in case I decided to not be around anymore.
There are reasons you’re friends with him, right? If you can still list those off maybe it’s worth trying to talk to him about it and work through it together. What was the response like when your girlfriend confronted him about it?
Both me and my girlfriend think something is off about him. We both asked him, separately, and he jokingly downplayed it.
If he’s making the both of you uneasy and you don’t feel alright pushing him to own up and talk about it, then absolutely remove him from your life. I’m sorry for you guys to lose a friend like that, I wish he were more receptive to changing, but you’ve got to protect you and her first. Jack can take care of himself (or, maybe not, but it’s not your problem if you don’t want it to be. And maybe losing a friend will be a wakeup call).