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The Internet in Ancient Times • 4 months ago

[RANT] Marcus fucking Crassus set my (M, XXXVI) house on fire

5

32

[RANT] Marcus fucking Crassus set my (M, XXXVI) house on fire

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The Internet in Ancient Times • 4 months ago

5

So, the other day I thought I smelled smoke somewhere, and my house was on fire. There happened to be some of Crassus’ slaves around and they refused to put out the fire until I sold my house to him for a ridiculously low price. My atrium is ruined and now he’s charging us an unbelievable amount of rent.

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Flying SquidM
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10•4 months ago
Do you have a family? Has anyone suggested selling them into slavery to cover the damages yet?
- @[email protected]OP
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  fedilink
  4•4 months ago
  Now that you mention it, I do indeed have some spare family members lying around. Thanks for the advice!
  - Flying SquidM
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    3•4 months ago
    Children preferred.

The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age… or the bronze age… or the iron age… heck, anything with an ‘age’ is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

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Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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