May your PC crash every time you’re almost done with your work.

May you always be too hot with the blanket on and too cold with the blanket off.

May a lightbulb in your house go bad every month.

May everything you put on your wall be slightly crooked.

May every bed you sleep on be either too soft or too firm to be comfortable.

May the garbage bag always rip when you go to take out the trash.

May your left headphone always be slightly quieter than your right one.

May sh!tstains be left on your toilet every time you flush.

May all the toilet paper you use in public bathrooms be 1 ply.

May you always stutter right before making a very strong point in an argument.