I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

  • AwkwardLookMonkeyPuppet
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    English
    304 months ago

    A cucumber could be too large

    Thank you.

    Sincerely,

    Average men everywhere

    • @BonesOfTheMoon
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      54 months ago

      It is not the size, it’s your ability to give me an orgasm I care about. Sincerely, a woman.

      • @Holyginz
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        44 months ago

        Seriously. I’m not a woman so my experience is from the other side of things, but if there is anything I’m glad I’ve learned in the bedroom it’s that you have to find out what she likes and not just assume. Not all women like being pounded like crazy and at the same time not all women like having their clit focused on. You need to find the sweet spot(s) and also learn how to use them, so to speak.

        • @BonesOfTheMoon
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          44 months ago

          Absolutely. And a lot of women never learn to have G spot orgasms so it’s a learning curve for them too. But having them vs clitoral orgasms is like the difference between learning Spanish and learning Italian.

            • @BonesOfTheMoon
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              14 months ago

              Italian is more bellissimo. So is your G spot orgasm. It’s like 100 times more intense.