Every time I go outside to my yard, my elderly neighbor comes out and tries to talk with me. Every. Single. Time. Without fail. I go out to relax and do gardening and yard work, and his presence makes me increasingly anxious & leaves me feeling particularly uncomfortable/unsafe.

He is dealing with dementia, and has become increasingly vulgar and outspoken, and even made some vastly inappropriate remarks about his wife & my other neighbor while my child was right there.

His wife is tired. I know this. Christ, I would be, too. He was kind of insufferable even before the dementia got bad (think him talking about his shitty political views), but, god… I am so tired of babysitting him while I try to unwind in my own yard. He’ll talk over the fence or simply waltz past it and follow me around while I try to do stuff or as I’m trying to talk to my kid.

One thing I know is this: do not piss off your neighbors, because, chances are, you will probably be living next to them for a looooong time.

What can I do? I just want peace without feeling like I’m being accosted.

  • @half_built_pyramidsEnglish
    24•1 month ago

    This is received wisdom so take with a gain of salt. Dementia people respond to emotion. So if you’re really nice and happy they will be too. If you’re mad, even justifiably so, they just mirror that back at you.

    Maybe try just base manipulation. “Oh hi neighbor, so good to see you, could you go inside please?” In just like a real friendly tone. Maybe have a snack and tell him to go eat it inside.

    • SharkEatingBreakfastOPEnglish
      10•1 month ago

      That sounds practical! Did the advice come from someone with personal experience with folks who have/had dementia?

      • @[email protected]English
        9•1 month ago

        No idea where this person got this advice but it sounds spot on. A close relative of mine works with dementia patients, and I know from them that confusion and frustration are the main emotions the patients are experiencing.

        I completely get where you’re coming from and wanting it to stop is fair enough, but also keep in mind it’s almost certain there is no malice there, or even understanding, just helplessness.

        I don’t know where you are, but it might be worth seeing if there are any local organisations that support people with dementia and their families, and putting them in touch with the wife, sounds like they could both use a significant amount of help.