This is about to be some real shit about a failing (failed?) marriage. Get out now if that is not for you.
My wife and I, both in our 40s, have been together for a long time, 20+ years. About 10 years ago our daughter was born and that was pretty good. I was stupid and had an affair during that first year because I was immature and, in retrospect, wasn’t able to handle the shift in my wife’s attention from me to my daughter.
We worked it out. We moved to a bigger house that is paid off. My mom died and left us all some money. Then my wife was diagnosed with MS about 4 years ago and things have been on the decline.
We haven’t had sex in a year and neither of us again expects to. She has been depressed and I don’t know how to help her. We recently, like yesterday, determined in a mutual discussion that we no longer had a romantic relationship, but that we had a good partnership for raising our daughter and generally handling life. While it was good to get an unspoken truth out there, it hurts. I think that we both feel lonely in the aching soul sort of way. Last night, when we went to bed, for first time that I can recall, she didn’t say, “I love you,” and neither did I. My Prozac is working overtime, and she shuts down when I suggest mental health support for her.
So, here’s the question. What now?
It’s definitely scary to dive into this, but try to remember: whatever the results of therapy, you’ll almost certainly be better for it on the other side. And your daughter will most likely be better off–because her parents will be in a better place, and because you’ll be setting a good example for her when she grows up and faces challenges.