I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition. I do not fault my former partner, she did what she felt she had to do to be happy. Unfortunately, turns out, I didn’t really have any friends of my own, I was just a hanger-on to her group. I have done a bad job of keeping in touch with anyone outside of this group, and I find myself very lonely nowadays.
Things have been tough for me for this and several other reasons the last couple years, and while I am incredibly thankful for my family taking me back in and supporting me while I get back on my feet, they can’t be the only people I interact with. That said, how does one actually accomplish this? I’m pushing 40, I live in a rural area (30 minute drive to anything that isn’t run and populated by out-and-out racists), and I’m broke as hell. I’m not particularly even interested in dating, just making some new friends and not being so lonely all the time. Where can you go and what can you do nowadays that doesn’t cost a bunch of money and people are willing to talk to strangers? Internet or IRL, I suppose, but IRL is better because God I need to get out of the house more.
It tends to be pretty random. I’d say just maximize opportunity by doing more things that involve other people. In my experience I’d say about 95% of my attempts to meet people, whether that be for friends or dating, go nowhere. Then of the remaining 5%, only 10% of that lasts longer than a year. So 99.5% of your efforts will be unrewarded or only slightly rewarded.
So what can you do that involves other people? Meetups, volunteer, find an activity like climbing or trivia or whatever. It depends on your area. Since you’re in a rural area there won’t be much but take what you can get. Of course there’s a wide variety of rural areas, but there’s usually some activity prevalent in the area. Golf? Hiking? Hunting? Find wherever those people hang out and go hang out there.