Hi all.
I’ll try and be succinct but as I’m sure you all realize that’s often easier said than done.
I don’t feel like I ever hear my fellow ADHDers discuss how negative an experience hyperfocusing can be.
First off, I never feel like I’m ‘enjoying’ myself when I hyperfocus. It feels a lot like I’m dreaming. Time moves weirdly, all my senses go askew, and it never feels like I’m in-control.
Then when the focus fades for whatever reason, I feel exhausted. I usually have a headache from the hours of intent concentration. Oftentimes I haven’t eaten, had a drink or used the toilet. As I start to come out of it I often feel quite confused and borderline hungover.
It gives me such an existential crisis. An activity is either so boring I can’t summon myself to engage with it or it’s so absolutely engrossing that it feels like the activity is partaking of me rather than the reverse.
And when I come out of it, to an extent I do feel as if I’ve been consumed. I don’t feel happy or satisfied or fulfilled. I feel tired, confused and uncomfortable.
Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any advice?
I relate very much.
The meds actually make this worse, but without the meds I’m a mass of stress, since stress is what I used instead of an executive function.
I have typically performed highly in what do as a main activity, like school or work. But soon I start resenting the person that hyperfocuses, because that person leaves me with nothing. So far I’ve burned out of most of my activities and changed careers twice. Lately I decided to get into gardening ‘to relax’ and it ended up the same.
It feels almost like the show Severance, even though I mostly remember what I did, but like you said, it’s as if it had been a dream.