It is often said that “facts don’t care about feelings”, unfortunately, the reverse is also true: feelings don’t care about facts. I rationally know that I should respect women’s rights to not have undesirable men be attracted to them, but I still feel the attraction and don’t know how to deal with it.
Do you have any resources on that? All the ones I’ve found suggest that feelings of attraction are hard-wired into the brain and getting rid of them is impossible.
I’m not saying to get rid of them, I’m saying to exercise self control so you don’t act on them. I dunno about resources on that, my dude. It’s just kind of a necessity to be a responsible adult.
If by “acting on them” you mean staring, catcalling, asking out, etc. I’m already trying my best to not do that. I’d say I’m quite successful at it, though in crowded spaces it’s often difficult to find a direction to look in that doesn’t contain a woman. And my mom sometimes tells me that I should look at and approach women, so there’s social pressure too.
However, what draws people to incel spaces is the sadness that comes from seeing couples in public or among your friends and knowing that you’ll never experience what they’re doing. Unless I’m misunderstanding, I don’t think what you’re suggesting helps with that.
I can acknowledge that you’re partially correct. What I was suggesting was geared towards preventing people from acting in negative impulses. Basically, your brain thinking “no, don’t do creepy shit.”
But with your example, exercising rationality actually would help, because “the sadness that comes from seeing couples in public or among your friends and knowing that you’ll never experience what they’re doing” is actually an irrational thought.
There’s no reason to assume this is actually the case. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy that’s easily dispelled by recognizing that you’re actually capable of having that experience. Some proper therapy can help replace those intrusive thoughts with more empowering ones!
Edit: fixed an autocorrect issue that changed my intended meaning. Sorry.
First off, thank you for engaging critically with my comments rather than dismissing them :) I apologize for the delayed response, I had to sort my thoughts about this.
Basically, your brain thinking “no, don’t do creepy shit.”
But with your example, exercising rationality actually would help, because “the sadness that comes from seeing couples in public or among your friends and knowing that you’ll never experience what they’re doing” is actually an irrational thought.
Isn’t it kind of an example of what you stated in the previous paragraph? By acknowledging that women don’t see me as a potential partner, my brain is preventing me from hurting women by showing my romantic interest. While I could try to combat this thought, it would not be in the best interest of others.
On the contrary, wanting a partner is an irrational thought because it ultimately comes from the natural instinct to reproduce. Hypothetically, if I were asexual, I could just live a fulfilling life alone and everyone would be better off.
It is often said that “facts don’t care about feelings”, unfortunately, the reverse is also true: feelings don’t care about facts. I rationally know that I should respect women’s rights to not have undesirable men be attracted to them, but I still feel the attraction and don’t know how to deal with it.
Fair point, but there is a simple solution. Learn how to deal with it. Learn self control. Let that rational part of your mind do the driving.
Do you have any resources on that? All the ones I’ve found suggest that feelings of attraction are hard-wired into the brain and getting rid of them is impossible.
I’m not saying to get rid of them, I’m saying to exercise self control so you don’t act on them. I dunno about resources on that, my dude. It’s just kind of a necessity to be a responsible adult.
If by “acting on them” you mean staring, catcalling, asking out, etc. I’m already trying my best to not do that. I’d say I’m quite successful at it, though in crowded spaces it’s often difficult to find a direction to look in that doesn’t contain a woman. And my mom sometimes tells me that I should look at and approach women, so there’s social pressure too.
However, what draws people to incel spaces is the sadness that comes from seeing couples in public or among your friends and knowing that you’ll never experience what they’re doing. Unless I’m misunderstanding, I don’t think what you’re suggesting helps with that.
I can acknowledge that you’re partially correct. What I was suggesting was geared towards preventing people from acting in negative impulses. Basically, your brain thinking “no, don’t do creepy shit.”
But with your example, exercising rationality actually would help, because “the sadness that comes from seeing couples in public or among your friends and knowing that you’ll never experience what they’re doing” is actually an irrational thought.
There’s no reason to assume this is actually the case. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy that’s easily dispelled by recognizing that you’re actually capable of having that experience. Some proper therapy can help replace those intrusive thoughts with more empowering ones!
Edit: fixed an autocorrect issue that changed my intended meaning. Sorry.
First off, thank you for engaging critically with my comments rather than dismissing them :) I apologize for the delayed response, I had to sort my thoughts about this.
Isn’t it kind of an example of what you stated in the previous paragraph? By acknowledging that women don’t see me as a potential partner, my brain is preventing me from hurting women by showing my romantic interest. While I could try to combat this thought, it would not be in the best interest of others.
On the contrary, wanting a partner is an irrational thought because it ultimately comes from the natural instinct to reproduce. Hypothetically, if I were asexual, I could just live a fulfilling life alone and everyone would be better off.