Hello!
My boyfriend (21) and I (21) have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. Due to a 3 hour distance we see each other once a week. We have been having issues for a couple of months because he got severely depressed and is very distant towards me. I try to support him as much as i can, even though it‘s hard sometimes. Especially yesterday because it was my birthday and he didn‘t want to meet up due to his mental state. He also didn‘t talk to me all day and I always put in a lot of effort for his birthday (even though he rejected everything i planned this year because of his depression).
Anyways, i had an ex when i was 16-17, who was also my best friend and my neighbor. We started dating and he started doing heavy drugs. He was an alcoholic and an addict. He was in hospital 3 times for overdosing and due to all this he was also emotionally abusive. I carry a lot of trauma from that relationship, so my opinion of drugs (doesn‘t matter if it‘s weed or cocaine) is extremely not good. I hate it.
I told my boyfriend about this when we started dating and he agreed. A few months ago he went to the Netherlands and tried weed and mushrooms. It bothered me a lot so I told him that I thought i made myself clear. He said he only tried it for fun and won‘t do it again.
Yesterday he confessed to me that he was taking lsd and mushrooms when he goes to work because he hates work so much and he also, a week ago, tried meth (since then he hasn‘t been able to eat or sleep and he told me that it‘s because of his depression) I was flabbergasted of course. Just a week ago we talked about how taking drugs is stupid if it‘s not for medical reasons (and even that was a compromise from my side). He agreed with me (while doing drugs daily) AND THEN THE NEXT DAY tried meth.
He had never done any of these things before and did them knowing how i feel about it and did it without considering my feelings. I feel betrayed because he lied to me for 2 months.
At first he tried to blame me for my reaction "that‘s why i can‘t tell u things like this“ and "you don‘t understand how i feel“. He said that it‘s easy to judge from the outside but i don‘t understand? i always consider him when i do things. I would never do things i know he doesnt like for fun.
I would maybe have understood a little bit if he was doing it before we got together but he wasn‘t. He decided to do it and lie to me and now he‘s telling me that he hates sober life.
I am very lonely and i don‘t have anyone but him so I am laying in bed now thinking about what i should do. I know i should break up but i need someone to tell me if this is fucked up or if i am just overreacting because i don‘t have anyone to confide in right now.
We actually live in Germany, which is why i don‘t feel like there is a need for self medication. We have free health care. He can get those medications for 5 euros from the pharmacy with a prescription from his mom who is a doctor, so a psychiatrist wouldn‘t even be necessary (imo still necessary but but he has easier access to it without finding a psychiatrist). I understand that it can help and he probably thought it was a way out for him but his circumstances really make it harder for me to grasp.
I don’t know you or your boyfriend, the situation you’re in, the nuances and nature of your relationship or anything else. Therefore I’ll limit myself strictly to substancees you mentioned and the therapeutic potential behind them.
Medication for ADHD is basically impossible to get in Germany if you don’t pay for it out of your own pocket at a private practitioner. Amphetamine, specifically dextroamphetamine, is a stimulant with serious risk of addiction and won’t be prescribed by anyone other than an expert psychiatrist and only after a rigorous testing. This is not something you can just get a prescription for.
And anti-depressants oftentimes do have no positive effect while lowering the quality of life with a plethora of significant side effects. This is something that usually does not get talked about. If SSRI’s or SNRI’s don’t work for you, meaning your problem is not serotonine-based, you are fucked. This is not a joke.
However, since you live in a country with a basic social security net, there are several options for your boyfriend like quitting his job for health reasons, using extended sick leave and several more.
In regards of your relationship troubles: a possible way forward, should you two so choose, could be a single macrodose of LSD once a week, 200µg at the minimum. That alone will cut his depressive symptoms in half and will get him at a place to understand his own inner workings.
All of that under the disclaimer that the use is therapeutic and constructive in intent, not abused as a coping and escape mechanism.