Hi, I’m flying home for my birthday (moved out of state for work, then lost my job, and been unemployed for 4 months). My mom asked what I would like her to make me for my birthday dinner, and I have no clue what to ask for. I’m just at a loss because I don’t know what I like. I’m not picky, but if left to my own devices would eat mueslix for months at a time. I hate feeling attention, and worst of all pity… But that is the primary feeling when I return to my mothers home. I feel lost and trapped, as more if my life falls through my fingers like a hand desperately grasping into dry sand. Everything feels wrong and I hate that I agreed to come home at all.
Sorry you feel that way. Just know that if you do choose something and tell her you’d like to have it for the birthday dinner, it doesn’t actually have to be something you love or like, your mom is just looking for some ideas and in the end whatever she puts together - either by your input or what she comes up with on her own, she’s making it with love and it will taste great. The dinner is less about the specific dish and it’s more a chance for her to share some time with you and give you some attention to show she loves you. It’s ok to be loved and ok to have some attention, especially from your mom.
You guys are family and she’s a person too and she loves her son. Let her know how you feel if you like, but remember she’s only doing what seems normal to her to celebrate the occasion with her son and maybe even make a positive happy memory or two for you both to look back on when you guys are apart again.
Going back home will probably make you regress a little too since it brings back a lot of feelings of childhood that you’ve now left behind, so keep that in mind because those can subconsciously affect you but if you try stay in the moment and see you mom as a person in your life that loves you and genuinely cares about you it can help.
All the best and Happy Birthday.