I adore sluts over or beneath me, far too much so tbh. It is like my weakness, and it battles with my deep need for trust and loyalty. A group of friends used to call me Capt. Save a Hoe. I don’t do well with sifting through a list of people and putting myself out there. I’m not some promiscuous type at all. I am someone that tends to see the best in people and their real potential in unique ways. My rather out of the box perspective on everything in life and the way I care about people in my close social orbit tends to draw and keep potential partners that are not very good for my own needs. I have an enormous number of interests and sort of mold myself within different spaces over time. Many relationships are only effective when I have a limited range of interests and maintain certain patterns. Most of my relationships end when I am constrained from changing like this over a period of years. The ways I change and mold to different curiosities is very introverted and not an aspect I can effectively share. These are times when I need my independence and space while also having a partner open minded and willing to evolve with me. Like if I get back into hardcore cycling, she gets a bike and often comes along doing whatever it takes to rise to the challenge. Not for every ride, but to share the occasional experience. Or let’s say I get into metallurgy and casting again, or airbrushing automotive class graphics, or CAD design projects, or programming games, or robotic cat toys with microcontrollers. The thing is, I need someone that is not just able to flex to me like this, I want someone that is independently doing the same. I want to shape myself to explore with them in their unique and independent interests in any space they are passionate about. It does not matter if it is stereotypically masculine or feminine to me. I have no concern over such marketing nonsense or gendered dichotomy.

So no, it has nothing to do with how I view people on dating apps in some judgemental context. It has everything to do with a known weakness I have. I will commit myself to a cause that is unhealthy for me. I don’t put a lot of thought into myself and my interests in this area. My mind is like a little kid in wonderment at the world around me; drawing in my curiosity so much that I forget to eat. I therefore keep my distance and only take notice when someone stands out for reasons that infer they might be functionally abstracted like I am. I’ve tried other types of people to my detriment and learned that lesson hard.