Yes, the staying quiet, avoiding eye contact, not asking questions and not talking about myself are very recognisable. One of the things I dread most in these situations is me sweating excessively, so I tend to try and hide this with special clothing.
I can relate to the sweating part. In the past, I sometimes used overnight prescription-strength deodorant before events where I knew I’d start sweating. It was very effective, but I know some of the ingredients can be problematic.
Out of the ones you listed, not asking questions is probably the one most likely to keep you away from making connections with others. As we all know, people love to talk about themselves. I find it helpful to have a few questions in my “mental bank” before interacting with new people just so I don’t have to think on the spot.
I was practicing small talk with my husband one day, and I asked him if he likes his job. He was like, “Ickplant, very few people actually like their job. You’re either asking them to lie or putting them in an awkward position of bitching about their job to a stranger. It’s better to ask what their favorite part is about their job or something similar.” That’s what inspired me to be more intentional about what I ask.
Thank you, that’s good advice. I’ve been improving at it slowly over the years, but it feels like babysteps. I’m now trying to learn to be proud of and happy with any small progress, that helps a bit. Also I try to focus more on the other person in conversations instead of on my own thoughts and sensations.
It sounds like you are doing what you can to get better. You have every reason to be proud! Social anxiety is hard to address, so any progress is to be celebrated. Keep going, keep working on it - it does get better.
Yes, the staying quiet, avoiding eye contact, not asking questions and not talking about myself are very recognisable. One of the things I dread most in these situations is me sweating excessively, so I tend to try and hide this with special clothing.
I can relate to the sweating part. In the past, I sometimes used overnight prescription-strength deodorant before events where I knew I’d start sweating. It was very effective, but I know some of the ingredients can be problematic.
Out of the ones you listed, not asking questions is probably the one most likely to keep you away from making connections with others. As we all know, people love to talk about themselves. I find it helpful to have a few questions in my “mental bank” before interacting with new people just so I don’t have to think on the spot.
I was practicing small talk with my husband one day, and I asked him if he likes his job. He was like, “Ickplant, very few people actually like their job. You’re either asking them to lie or putting them in an awkward position of bitching about their job to a stranger. It’s better to ask what their favorite part is about their job or something similar.” That’s what inspired me to be more intentional about what I ask.
Thank you, that’s good advice. I’ve been improving at it slowly over the years, but it feels like babysteps. I’m now trying to learn to be proud of and happy with any small progress, that helps a bit. Also I try to focus more on the other person in conversations instead of on my own thoughts and sensations.
It sounds like you are doing what you can to get better. You have every reason to be proud! Social anxiety is hard to address, so any progress is to be celebrated. Keep going, keep working on it - it does get better.
dont forget that a few baby steps already make one huge big step :)