I think it’s a good idea for partners to have their own dedicated space that they can decorate for themselves and keep their hobbies in. It helps keep the rest of the house tidy and allows for a little bit of a personal safe haven. Obviously, the traditional conception of a ‘man cave’ isn’t great, but I think that there is a way it can be approached non-toxically
Obviously, the traditional conception of a ‘man cave’ isn’t great
It’s not the “traditional concept”, it’s the juiced up consumerist fantasy. The traditional man-cave is literally just the garage or the basement, where you keep your power tools.
When I first heard the word “man cave” it seemed to mean rec room/rumpus room as marketed by Spike TV. A finished basement, bonus room above the garage etc. often furnished with such things as a pool table, dart board, leather couch, big screen TV for watching The Game, wet bar, etc. From there it transitioned to mean any space that is considered “his” in the home, which might only be the parts of the garage that aren’t full of rubbermaid bins full of shit they own but never use.
Side note, remember when houses had a room called the “den”?
Right. It’s just a place to stick your cheap plastic collectibles, as romanticized by the man-equivalent of the home shopping channel. You see it on home improvement shows all the time, as well, typically themed to some hobby or consumer franchise. And back in the '00s, sitcoms got in on the racket, with every Family Dad having an episode or three that involved renovating a basement or spare bedroom.
Side note, remember when houses had a room called the “den”?
I’ve also heard it called the TV Room, the playroom, and the family room. Most houses still have it, typically adjoining the kitchen/dining room. My house has a second-story flat that’s kitchen, dining room, and den laid out in a single open rectangle. We have the TV on the back wall and you can see it from the other side of the house. But all the entertainment - the record player, the video games, the little rolling dry bar I have in the corner - is on the “den” side of the house.
The home office/battle station where you can pipe the output from one bash command into another bash command, or set up your media server or just play video games.
The kitchen where you can knead and bake sourdough, roll your own pasta, braise a hearty stew, or roast a leg of lamb.
The backyard where you can smoke a brisket, bake a pizza, host a wine tasting.
The garden or lawn where you can cultivate plants, grow something to eat, design a beautiful landscape, or restore a native sanctuary for migratory insects like the monarch butterfly or birds like a hummingbird or songbirds.
The gym where you can get ripped, build up your personal stats, and let off some steam through physical activity.
The closet or bedroom where you can plan out your fashion choices and wardrobe, iron your clothes, shine your shoes, and otherwise make stylish choices.
Some sort of room or garage where you can jam out with musical instruments.
This guy fucking gets it. Let’s go with hobbies. Show your kids passion and a love of learning, the ability to have fun, and wrap it all in in emotional support and love and everything will be fine. I have an office with a bunch of nerd projects and we’re building out the basement workshop. My 3 year old already “helps” me build stuff and I hope that only increases. Mom has a second husband of her job in athletics, so kiddo is learning about normalizing hard work and athletic endeavors, visits Mommy’s office and weight room, etc.
The meme is funny. A lot of this conversation is definitely not, glad there’s some reasonable takes down here.
Also, 1 of the guys’ wives thought he was cheating on her. She followed him to a house and thought to catch him in the act, when he went into the basement. Instead, she burst in on him and his friends playtesting D&D in their basement mancave.
It might have been his GF. Definitely his female other half.
The difference between a mancave and a workshop is 90% mentality. A workshop is generally to do a job, or a chore. A mancave is focused on enjoyment. The line is extremely blurry, however. Particularly if you enjoy making stuff.
By example. Developing D&D in a cosy basement, with the intention of having fun, it’s a mancave. By the time you’re using the same basement more for boxing and organising shipping, it’s a workshop. It’s akin to the difference between a bedroom and a brothel.
Oh, I was thinking it may have still been their parents’ garage. But I guess they were a bit older than that (and back then, college dropouts could afford houses with garages).
People REALLY underestimate the value of lighting. My wife likes it dim on the main floor. I am constantly reminding her that we evolved in caves for 100k years and finally have fucking light and she’s squandering the advantage.
Modern bright lighting is great for daytime but one of the worst things we can do to ourselves in the evening or night. We absolutely did not evolve to be exposed to bright (particularly blue/white) light after the sun starts setting.
The best thing I did for my circadian rhythm was eliminate light in the bedroom and set up my lights to slowly shift to soft amber and dim in the evening. The trick is having it transition slowly so your eyes adjust and you don’t notice it.
We evolved in caves, so our eyes aren’t meant for bright light.
Only minor /s, I am sensitive to light and wish more people would be ok with darkness, especially at night. You don’t need flood lights constantly on blinding every square millimeter of your yard. Night vision is a thing and it doesn’t require goggles.
Same! My 15k lumen, 6500 Kelvin lamp is honestly one of my favorite things. My office is brightly lit regardless of the world outside. My wife hates it and demands I use soft white, 75w equivalent lights everywhere else.
I can live with the lights that imitiate candles, but I go to MY space if I need to see something clearly.
This is so true, heck I’ve even ‘baked’ some custom PCB boards in the oven to do some cheap reflow… Every man belongs in the kitchen, that’s where all the big boy tools are
Back in the old analog days, the recording studio I managed kept around a toaster oven, because old tapes can get sticky because the binder has gotten soft and that’s how you harden it again.
The toxic aspect isn’t from wanting space apart from your spouse, it’s in sending signals (even ironically or in jest) that the family you are a part of is something you hate, that your family is cramping your individuality, and that you want to escape from them.
Everyone needs their own time and space. Just because you married another human doesn’t make you any less of an individual, and having healthy opportunity for time apart is essential.
I think it’s a good idea for partners to have their own dedicated space that they can decorate for themselves and keep their hobbies in. It helps keep the rest of the house tidy and allows for a little bit of a personal safe haven. Obviously, the traditional conception of a ‘man cave’ isn’t great, but I think that there is a way it can be approached non-toxically
It’s not the “traditional concept”, it’s the juiced up consumerist fantasy. The traditional man-cave is literally just the garage or the basement, where you keep your power tools.
When I first heard the word “man cave” it seemed to mean rec room/rumpus room as marketed by Spike TV. A finished basement, bonus room above the garage etc. often furnished with such things as a pool table, dart board, leather couch, big screen TV for watching The Game, wet bar, etc. From there it transitioned to mean any space that is considered “his” in the home, which might only be the parts of the garage that aren’t full of rubbermaid bins full of shit they own but never use.
Side note, remember when houses had a room called the “den”?
The “Den” has been rebranded as the 'Office". Same room, just under different management.
Right. It’s just a place to stick your cheap plastic collectibles, as romanticized by the man-equivalent of the home shopping channel. You see it on home improvement shows all the time, as well, typically themed to some hobby or consumer franchise. And back in the '00s, sitcoms got in on the racket, with every Family Dad having an episode or three that involved renovating a basement or spare bedroom.
I’ve also heard it called the TV Room, the playroom, and the family room. Most houses still have it, typically adjoining the kitchen/dining room. My house has a second-story flat that’s kitchen, dining room, and den laid out in a single open rectangle. We have the TV on the back wall and you can see it from the other side of the house. But all the entertainment - the record player, the video games, the little rolling dry bar I have in the corner - is on the “den” side of the house.
What if I’m not qualified to glue two pieces of cardboard together? Where is my hideout?
In that case, you have a few options:
This guy fucking gets it. Let’s go with hobbies. Show your kids passion and a love of learning, the ability to have fun, and wrap it all in in emotional support and love and everything will be fine. I have an office with a bunch of nerd projects and we’re building out the basement workshop. My 3 year old already “helps” me build stuff and I hope that only increases. Mom has a second husband of her job in athletics, so kiddo is learning about normalizing hard work and athletic endeavors, visits Mommy’s office and weight room, etc.
The meme is funny. A lot of this conversation is definitely not, glad there’s some reasonable takes down here.
Dungeons and dragons was developed in a man cave.
Also, 1 of the guys’ wives thought he was cheating on her. She followed him to a house and thought to catch him in the act, when he went into the basement. Instead, she burst in on him and his friends playtesting D&D in their basement mancave.
If we’re going by this logic, I would say that the personal computer was invented in a “man cave”.
Though I guess those kids weren’t married yet (right? probably?)
It might have been his GF. Definitely his female other half.
The difference between a mancave and a workshop is 90% mentality. A workshop is generally to do a job, or a chore. A mancave is focused on enjoyment. The line is extremely blurry, however. Particularly if you enjoy making stuff.
By example. Developing D&D in a cosy basement, with the intention of having fun, it’s a mancave. By the time you’re using the same basement more for boxing and organising shipping, it’s a workshop. It’s akin to the difference between a bedroom and a brothel.
Oh, I was thinking it may have still been their parents’ garage. But I guess they were a bit older than that (and back then, college dropouts could afford houses with garages).
Also basement.
Online
Fuck. You might be on to something
Fuck that, I’m doing my soldering in the kitchen because that’s where the best light is
Also you get a free fume extractor.
Please don’t melt heavy metals in food prep areas.
But that sweet, sweet flavor…
“IF I’M BREATHING LEAD WE ALL ARE!”
People REALLY underestimate the value of lighting. My wife likes it dim on the main floor. I am constantly reminding her that we evolved in caves for 100k years and finally have fucking light and she’s squandering the advantage.
Modern bright lighting is great for daytime but one of the worst things we can do to ourselves in the evening or night. We absolutely did not evolve to be exposed to bright (particularly blue/white) light after the sun starts setting.
The best thing I did for my circadian rhythm was eliminate light in the bedroom and set up my lights to slowly shift to soft amber and dim in the evening. The trick is having it transition slowly so your eyes adjust and you don’t notice it.
We evolved in caves, so our eyes aren’t meant for bright light.
Only minor /s, I am sensitive to light and wish more people would be ok with darkness, especially at night. You don’t need flood lights constantly on blinding every square millimeter of your yard. Night vision is a thing and it doesn’t require goggles.
Same, fuck porch lights and street lights. Just let it be dark damn it.
Get out of here, you cave-dwelling heathen!
2nded. The lighting should be comparable to daylight, it helps your eyes focus better.
You can even get lux meter apps for your phone.
Same! My 15k lumen, 6500 Kelvin lamp is honestly one of my favorite things. My office is brightly lit regardless of the world outside. My wife hates it and demands I use soft white, 75w equivalent lights everywhere else.
I can live with the lights that imitiate candles, but I go to MY space if I need to see something clearly.
Bro needs some 4000K 90 CRI 20W/m strips
This is so true, heck I’ve even ‘baked’ some custom PCB boards in the oven to do some cheap reflow… Every man belongs in the kitchen, that’s where all the big boy tools are
Please use a cheap toaster oven or a griddle that you dedicate for soldering, you don’t want any of that crap near your food.
Back in the old analog days, the recording studio I managed kept around a toaster oven, because old tapes can get sticky because the binder has gotten soft and that’s how you harden it again.
Lighting can be purchased.
But the stove hood also has an exhaust fan built in, and a range for a nice hot toxic solder pot to keep boiling
It’s almost like the kitchen was built for electronics
That can also be purchased!
Explain HOW!
Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
This guy gets it
And where the snacks are too!
Get an architect’s lamp
I’d hope that nobody would disagree with this.
The toxic aspect isn’t from wanting space apart from your spouse, it’s in sending signals (even ironically or in jest) that the family you are a part of is something you hate, that your family is cramping your individuality, and that you want to escape from them.
Everyone needs their own time and space. Just because you married another human doesn’t make you any less of an individual, and having healthy opportunity for time apart is essential.
Wine and nice sayings isn’t a hobby. A sports team you don’t participate in at all isn’t a hobby. Drinking isn’t a hobby.
Maybe not your hobbies (or mine), but these are all examples of an activity that someone does for pleasure when they are not working.
I’m going to start telling people I’m not an alcoholic, drinking is just a hobby of mine
That’s basically what “I’m a social drinker” means, so you can just say that.